Fertility Chick

The Big 4-0

2012-02-02T20:15:00.006-05:00

Internetz, please take a moment if you would, to wish my beloved Irish Boy a very Happy 40th Birthday!

He doesn't look a day over 21. Really. He doesn't. He also lets me purchase copious amounts of Coach purses without ever getting angry.

Or at least really angry.

In fact he just loves it when I shop. Loves it. I'm sure he'd be thrilled if I were ordering something online right now!

Related: Please don't tell him about this post. He'll just roll his eyes and smile.

That's my Irish Boy.

Happy Birthday, my love!

Housekeeping

2012-01-16T15:43:00.004-05:00

I want to thank you all for your comments on my last post. I promise to start blogging more regularly and sharing the joys and challenges of adoptive parenting.

Today however I have some housekeeping to take care of. I'm hoping you can help me.

My blog roll was painfully out of date so I removed it. But I would like to add it back. Would you like your blog listed on it? If so, leave me a comment below with your blog url and I'll start adding!

How Much Do I Suck?

2012-01-13T18:50:00.006-05:00

That question is rhetorical, Internetz. Please don't answer it.

But let's face it. I totally suck.

Related: how many people are going to be TOTALLY disappointed that such a title leads them to an infertility blog?

Anyways...

Internetz, I know I've been an awful blogger. But here's the deal. I just don't know what to write about. It's like I've lost my blogging mojo. I'm not getting regular dates with the ultrasound wand anymore, so I can't write about that. And I know that writing about the girls and parenting via adoption may be painful/boring/not your cup of tea/fill in the blank here for some of you.

So what do I do? Has this blog run it's course? Or can I find my mojo again?

If I could write you any post, Internetz, what would you want me to write?

Hopefully there are still some of you out there who will comment and let me know.

36

2011-10-12T22:38:00.006-04:00

So I'm a little tardy to the party, Internetz, since my birthday was on October 5 but it's never too late for some of these:

(Image: http://justalittleonline.com/Cupcakes.aspx)

I didn't have cupcakes on my birthday - we had a fabulous cake - made by the same wonderful woman who did our "Forever Family" cake back in June. To say it was delicious is the understatement of the year.

Last year for my 35th birthday, Irish Boy got me a MacBook Pro. In fact this very blog post is being typed on it.

This year's birthday wasn't nearly as extravagant. Except for the fact that we had two little girls with us - and I had cards meant just for me with the words "Mommy" on them.

What a difference a year makes.

Dude, Where's My Blog?

2011-09-17T16:42:00.005-04:00

I know, Internetz, I KNOW.

But I am back this time. For reals.

Stay tuned for updates galore.

But in the meantime, enjoy this courtesy of my new addiction to the cartoon, "Phineas and Ferb" thanks to the girls.

I can't get this song out of my head. Also? I love it.

Where to even begin?

2011-07-05T20:00:00.006-04:00

Oh Internetz, curses to me for leaving such a long gap between updates! The first few weeks with the girls were hectic - not just with settling in - but coupled with the fact that we had to drive them to and from their school each day. Since it was so close to the end of the school year when they moved in, we didn't want to move them to our local school, so it was a daily 40 minute drive each way. Needless to say by the end of school we were all ready to say "good bye" to that drive.

Summer vacation is here and the girls are loving being at home. "We get to spend all day with you!" one of them happily announced to us today.

This is great - but I won't lie, it's also exhausting! We're coming with all sorts of new and wonderful things to keep us active and busy during the day. We have discovered almost all of our wee town's playgrounds and if there is a free festival somewhere, yours truly will find it!

It was Canada Day last Friday, July 1, and we met up with some friends for town fireworks which was great fun. I'm trying to take photos as often as I can so the girls have all of these memories to keep. A favourite memory of mine was just the other day when the girls went with me to 'get our nails done.' Internetz, you might have died from cuteness from the two girls perched on pedicure chairs having their finger and toenails painted. They were both so proud it was to die for.

But if I'm honest, we have plenty of challenging moments too. I think we're getting over the worst of the 'testing' hurdles, but they still crop up every now and then. I'm getting used to have absolutely NO privacy at anytime and sometimes I struggle with that. On particularly challenging days I admit to taking some private time in the bathroom where I lock the door and just cry. Thank goodness for some other wonderful adoptive moms who have totally supported me and told me "it's all normal, stop beating yourself up."

Being a forever family ain't easy....but it's worth it.

How's your summer going, Internetz?! I promise I won't slack so much with the blog!

Forever Family

2011-06-15T08:55:00.006-04:00

Well Internetz, it has been just over a week since the girls moved into our home and our lives.

It has been exciting, exhilarating and exhausting.

I won't pretend that it has been all sunny days. We have had our moments and more than once I have cried in the bathroom wondering if I could do this.

The girls, especially our youngest, are testing us right now to see how much they can get away with and perhaps, more importantly, if we'll still love them when they do.

On Monday we had our seven day visit with our worker and afterwards we went out for dinner as a family. Irish Boy and I arranged to have this cake for dessert since it was a special day.

This is it, Internetz. The good, the bad, the ugly - all of it. We are a Family Forever.

PS - The cake was even better than it looked!

Fast Forward

2011-06-02T23:26:00.003-04:00

So, Internetz, uh, the girls move in tomorrow.

Yes, you read that right. TOMORROW.

Long story and I promise to explain all soon - but holy crow - I have to get my house ready for TOMORROW!!

Internetz? I think I'm a Mom.

True Love

2011-05-29T19:56:00.005-04:00

Internetz, on Friday we met our girls for the very first time.

It was everything that we could have hoped for and so much more! They are funny, sweet, chatty, engaging, amazing little people. We visited, had dinner out as a family, and Irish Boy and I fell that much more in love with them.

Holding their hands as we walked across the parking lot made my heart soar.

Our next visit is on Tuesday and it can't come soon enough. I was so elated on Friday night after our visit, it was like being on Cloud Nine. These past couple of days have been spent wondering what the girls are doing, if they're missing us at all yet, and feeling this unspeakable sadness in my own heart because I miss them.

Is it Tuesday yet?

Internetz, we are in love.

Tomorrow

2011-05-26T21:27:00.004-04:00

Internetz, tomorrow is a special day. A momentous day.

After weeks of meetings, meetings, and yes, more meetings, the day is finally here.

Tomorrow I meet my daughters for the first time.

One Step Closer

2011-05-11T12:11:00.006-04:00

Another day, another meeting, Internetz. Later this afternoon we meet with the kids' foster parents. I have been assured by our worker that this is more of a (great!) opportunity to hear about day to day routines, learn more about the kids, and have great resources right in front of us to ask questions.

So in other words, there shouldn't be any new, potentially earth-shattering information, as much as this is a chance to learn even more about the girls. We will give their worker our photobook at this meeting and I'm guessing that within the next week she'll be showing it to them. This will let them see us, our house, our dogs, and more. It's a way of introducing their "forever home" to them in a gentle way before we even actually meet.

We have a couple of more meetings next week (it never ends!) and then I'm hoping that we'll get the good news that at long last, we can finally meet the girls in person. The thought of this terrifies me (what if they hate us?!) and makes me teary (these are OUR girls) all at once.

In ironic fertility news, remember my period? The one that is usually AWOL for months at a time unless I take the crazy-inducing Provera? Well the little bugger showed up yesterday - within 43 days (this is good for my random, PCOS body) and is "text book perfect". Not that this means anything for us - Irish Boy still has no sperm - and it's not like one semi-regular period has my body completely back on track. But really? My period is such a douche.

Will update again soon - I so appreciate all of the prayers, words of support and excitement you all are sharing with us! Irish Boy and I are eternally grateful to all of you who have stayed the course with us and continue to cheer us on.

Love to you all,

Moving Forward!

2011-05-06T10:55:00.004-04:00

Internetz, how much do I suck? A big "thanks for nothing" to me for not updating the blog after our big meeting!

So the meeting with the kids' worker and other various workers went very well. We heard their whole story - and while there are certainly some challenges ahead (which we knew would be the case - and hey, what kid doesn't have challenges big or small at some point right?) we are totally on board.

Internetz, these are our kids.

Still early days though and we have more meetings in the coming weeks and then FINALLY we will meet the kids themselves! The waiting is torture. In the meantime, we're keeping busy trying to set up the bedrooms (we'll let them help us shop for decorating them) and create a photobook for their worker to give to them to help them familiarize with us.

I've also started quietly letting some of the "powers that be" at work know because I will be taking a minimum of the summer off of work. For the most part, everyone has been nothing but thrilled and supportive.

It's hard keeping it so quiet when you want to burst and tell the world! Heck, I'd tell the person in line with me at the supermarket if I could!

So stay with me, Internetz. I hope to update you soon with news that we are finally meeting our kids!

Two More Sleeps

2011-04-27T19:25:00.006-04:00

Internetz, Friday cannot come quickly enough. We now have two more sleeps until the "big meeting" on Friday morning to see if this possible adoption match can proceed to next steps.

I. AM. FREAKING. OUT.

We spoke with our worker today and she told us that all assuming all continues to go well - and assuming we want to proceed after Friday - it's conceivable that the children would be moving in with us by the summer once school is out.

OH. EHM. GEE!

Commence more freaking out.

I'm trying to stay calm and take things one day at a time. I'm trying to tell myself that until we get through Friday, there's no point even thinking about what may come next.

There are moments that I want to scream with delight about what could happen by the summer. There are also moments when I want to hide under my bed, terrified that I won't be able to do this.

Keep us in your thoughts please. Two more sleeps!

NIAW

2011-04-25T11:30:00.007-04:00

It's National Infertility Awareness Week (NIAW for short). I am so proud to be a part of the community of the many brave bloggers and organizations who are bringing infertility out of the shadows and talking about it, raising awareness, and offering support.

One of my favourites, Circle+Bloom is doing a little something to honour NIAW and I wanted to share it with you in case you were interested!

On a more personal note, Irish Boy and I are counting down the days until Friday. Stay tuned!

Dangling

2011-04-19T18:28:00.005-04:00

Internetz, I have but a moment to update you.

So I won't leave you hanging.

They called this afternoon.

They feel that we are the best suited match. We! Us! So they want us to meet with the various workers to hear more about the social/medical history. This meeting date/time is yet to be set.

Exciting as all hell, but still very initial stages. If, after this meeting, we feel that we aren't prepared for what lies ahead, we can opt out before we go any further. If we're still full steam ahead, we carry on in the process.

I can't say too much right now. I can tell you it's 2 siblings. Both girls. I won't say ages but they are children, not infants. Irish Boy and I are totally fine with this.

Our dream to become parents may be coming true...

Keep us in your thoughts and I promise to update you as soon as I can.

Now? I have to spend my evening in a work meeting and try and look like I'm paying attention!

Leaving You Hanging

2011-04-18T22:01:00.003-04:00

Oh Internetz, I gots me some news on the adoption front.

I can't say much - because, really, at this point I don't have a lot I can say.

Alls I know is that our profile is being shown tomorrow for a potential match.

I could throw up.

I could scream.

I could dance around like a maniac.

I could do all of the above.

I will not sleep A WINK tonight.

I'm terrified. I'm excited.

I'm hopeful.

Attack Life

2011-04-06T11:29:00.005-04:00

I was at a funeral last week for a family friend. He died, doing something he loved, in a tragic accident. He was doing everything right - had all the appropriate equipment including a helmet - but in spite of it all, the accident took him from us. He was a husband, father, and grandfather - much older than me - but not old by any stretch of the word. In fact he was probably healthier than me - than most of us - and loved being outdoors and being active.

It was a tough funeral.

But what stuck with me then - and has stayed with me now - was his motto: "Attack Life." That's how he lived. No fear. No concerns about failure. Just giving everything that he ever did his all. Because of that he lived a life of supreme joy. Oh sure he had stresses and challenges like we all do - but he never let anything block his path from living life to its fullest.

Attack life. I love that.

My life is, if I'm honest with you, Internetz, ruled by fear. As a true Type A and perfectionist at heart, the thought of doing anything that could result in failure, terrifies me. So usually? I don't do it.

I'm scared about what people might think of me if I'm at the gym. So sometimes? I use that as an excuse not to go.

Trying something new (though admittedly I have gotten better with this as I've gotten older)? Often, I don't do it, out of fear.

Fear and excuses. That's what sometimes rules my life.

It's true for infertility too. For months - even years - I refused to seek help from doctors because I was too afraid of what the diagnosis would be. Too afraid of the countless tests and needles I knew that I would be subjected to. Too afraid of the pain - both physical and emotional. I was even pretty scared of becoming a mom - even though I really wanted to be one more than anything else in the world.

Truth is, the diagnosis was pretty shitty - but you know what? When we attacked infertility - we kicked it's sorry ass. Maybe we didn't get pregnant - but I was no longer afraid of needles, of ultrasounds up in ladyville, of doctors, of a diagnosis. I was no longer afraid to be a parent - a mother - in whatever way the journey took us.

We're admittedly on a new path to becoming parents as we pursue adoption and of course, there are fears that go along with that too.

It's okay to be scared. But it's not okay to let fear rule your life.

So Internetz, in honour of my friend, I'm hoping that I can borrow his "Attack Life" motto.

Because I'm ready to kick fear's ass into next week.

Irish Blessing

2011-03-17T20:01:00.007-04:00

Happy St. Patrick's Day, Internetz!

A Plethora of Updates

2011-02-23T21:04:00.007-05:00

Internetz, my last few weeks have been a blur!

On top of a really busy time at work, we have had the worst run of luck.

A couple of weeks ago our senior dog was scheduled for dental surgery at the vet. Poor guy - his teeth were just awful. He's 13 years old and I've had him since he was a pup. So yes, he's my baby. I was a wreck to say the least. Let me just preface the rest of this story with the good news that the surgery went just fine, he was home that night and recovered like the trooper that he is. In fact, I swear he's feeling so much better that he's once again got a spring in his step. Don't get me started on the fact that I'm going to have to learn to brush his teeth.

At least now I have a good excuse for why I always "forget" to floss. You know, because I'm now the poster child for dog dental health.

But let me get back to my tale of woe. After dropping the dog to the vet, Irish Boy was heading home, when another driver came barreling out of a lane way and ran right into our car! What a mess.

Thus began the LONGEST day of my life.

Fortunately Irish Boy - and the other driver who was at fault - were both fine. At the end of all days, this is the most important thing EVER.

Sadly our car was not fine. Thus began the two week headache of dealing with our insurance - who are now on the top of my "I shake my fist at you" list.

Long story short - our old - but otherwise in awesome (prior to the accident) shape car - is a write-off.

So we've been car hunting. And grumbling about car hunting. And panicking about how we're going to afford another car when we just replaced my beloved VW Bug back in the fall.

So what are we going to get? Well that's another post. Stay tuned - I promise not to make you wait as long as our DAMN INSURANCE COMPANY has made us!

All is quiet on the adoption front too. I don't know why, but lately the waiting is driving me insane. The zen-like peace which had washed over me as we went through all of the classes and paperwork is long gone. I'd like to blame fertility drugs for my batshit crazy impatience but alas, not this time.

How do you make it through the waiting? Whether it's for that exciting adoption call or a two-week wait, what helps you get through?

I need me some Cheez-its.

Latest Obsession

2011-02-02T14:27:00.008-05:00

Internetz, I'm just back from a glorious work conference in Grand Rapids, MI.

That's right. Grand Rapids. In late January.

Who goes to Grand Rapids in the middle of winter? THIS GIRL, apparently.

But it was a grand (see what I did there) time! Irish Boy was able to take a couple of days off work to travel with me - so in the midst of my work we were able to enjoy some free time hitting the shops and restaurants - including one amazing dinner at The Melting Pot which was to DIE for. Thank you Internetz for sending us in that direction!

In addition to some fashion finds I have also discovered what can only be declared as my latest obsession, "red light food", delicious (impossible to stop eating) snack.

Internetz, I am officially addicted to Cheez-its. Oh you heard me. White Cheddar? YUM. Garlic and Parmesan? GOOD LORD.

Fortunately I have yet to find these in Canada (fellow Canucks, don't tell me if we can get them here!)

But I have one box left from my travels and I am officially doomed.

Internetz, please stage an intervention. Or send me boxes by the truckload.

Thanks.

Cooking with Fertility Chick

2011-01-18T16:53:00.014-05:00

A couple of posts ago I mentioned my current love of all things cooking/baking - thanks Internetz for hooking me up with some great recipe suggestions!

Below is a chicken recipe that I adapted from one I found on allrecipes.com - I can't remember what it was called on there but if you look up "baked chicken tenders" you'll probably find it - or something close to it!

Let me preface this recipe with the fact that my father is NOT a chicken eater. If I cook any kind of red meat, he's a happy camper. If he sees chicken on his plate (which is often), he pulls what is known in my house as "the face."

Well Internetz, let the heavens break forth because after this chicken dinner, my father declared that it was the best meal he had ever eaten. In fact, he could have "eaten more." Trust me. This is HUGE.

The original recipe calls for mayonnaise where I have used yogurt. I did try it with mayonnaise the first time - and it was delish. That said, since I'm trying to eat a tad healthier, the fat-free yogurt has been a decent alternative.

So here it is (sans pictures - sorry) - my version of Baked Chicken Tenders:

Ingredients:

1 1/2 - 2 lbs. of boneless, skinless chicken tenders (I usually use close to 2 lbs. - I like leftovers)
3/4 cup fat-free plain yogurt (or mayonnaise - again you could try a lower fat version if you're wanting to eat lighter - a fat-free sour cream would also probably work!)
1/2 cup grated Parmesan cheese
1 tsp. garlic powder
1 tsp. Dijon mustard (I like the grainy mustard for this, but whatever you have on hand is fine)
1 - 1 1/2 cups crushed croutons or crackers or breadcrumbs or pretzels (basically something to coat the tenders - I personally prefer something crunchier than breadcrumbs since these are baked, but again, whatever floats your boat!)

Preparations:

In a large mixing bowl, combine yogurt (or mayo), Parmesan cheese, mustard, and garlic powder. Mix well and add chicken tenders tossing them around until coated. If you have time in advance, prepare this and let it hang out in the fridge for a while. If you don't, then just go to it!

When you're ready to actually bake, preheat your oven to 425 degrees. Place a cooking rack atop of a large cookie sheet. Quick clean up tip: line the cookie sheet with aluminum foil, so that the drippings fall on to that, making clean up a cinch. Who's always looking out for you, Internetz? THIS GIRL is. You're welcome.

Crush crackers/croutons/whatever while oven is preheating and dump them into another mixing bowl. Tonight I'm using an onion poppyseed type of flatbread that I've crushed for my breading. We'll see how this added flavour works. Stay tuned.

If I may go on a slight tangent, Internetz, let me again sing the praises of crackers/croutons again for this recipe. Now you COULD use a food processor and pulse them into crumbs. BUT may I promote dumping them into a freezer bag and pulverizing them with a frying pan instead? Trust me on this. It's good for the soul and for all your frustrations. Frustrating day at work? Crush those croutons! Husband driving you nuts? Crack those crackers like it's his head!

I'm kidding. Kind of. Carrying on.

Dredge tenders through "breading" and line up on the cooking rack.

Bake for 25 minutes - or until cooked through.

Enjoy with your favourite sides!

Makes 4 -6 servings.

Eat well, Internetz.

Classic

2011-01-14T21:11:00.007-05:00

Internetz, I have this truly awesome friend who, for the sake of anonymity, let's call her Bean (as in coffee bean - since she loves a latte as much as I do!)

Bean and I get together for lunch (and lattes) often. She is one of few "real life" friends that knows my whole IF drama and was even one of my references for this whole adoption process. Bean has three kids of her own - one away at university, one in Grade 8, and one in Grade 6. They're great kids - Irish Boy and I are especially close to her two youngest.

Well Bean has a bit of a crush on a lovely man she met recently - and they have an impending coffee date.

She joked with her daughter in Grade 8 (let's call her Mini Bean because she's got her mom's quick wit and sassy personality) that if he happened to call to go for coffee, she'd have to cancel her lunch date with me to see him.

Here's how it went:

Bean: I'm having lunch with Fertility Chick tomorrow, but I guess if Mr. X calls about coffee, I'll have to blow her off!

Mini-Bean: Mom! You can't do that!

Bean: (laughing) Why not?!

Mini-Bean: Bros before ho's, Mom, bros before ho's! FC is your "bro" - you can't blow her off. It's against the friendship code.

Bean: (in hysterics)

I love me that Mini-Bean.

Also? Bean did meet me for lunch.

Because you know, bros before ho's.

So, like...uh...yeah

2011-01-13T21:16:00.005-05:00

Internetz, may I say how grateful I am to those of you who so graciously shared your excitement with Irish Boy and I about our decision to pursue adoption?

I know that I've probably lost some followers because of it - but to know that there are still so many of you rooting for us means so much.

That said, now that we are homestudy approved, there's not a whole heck of a lot to talk about! We are definitely in the waiting game and hence the title of this post, there isn't a whole heck of a lot to say!

Admittedly, every time the telephone rings, my heart skips a beat and I say a silent prayer that it's our social worker with news.

So far? No news.

Also? My damn telephone rings. A lot.

But Internetz, I am in a good place. I'm having trouble finding the words for it, but my heart feels, well, content.

I must be in a good place because for the first time in the midst of many (failed) attempts, I am taking care of myself. I am eating well, losing some (much needed) weight (in a safe way - no crash diets here!), sleeping better and dare I say it, feeling optimistic?

This whole "healthy living" routine has proved to be a great distraction in this waiting game. I've also been cooking up a storm and have found fantastic new recipes for banana muffins, baked chicken tenders and then some!

So, in honour of my cooking bug, do you have a favourite recipe that you'd like to share with me, Internetz? Post it below - or share a link! Keep me busy!

On The Cusp

2010-12-31T12:31:00.006-05:00

Oh Internetz, I hope that the holidays have been good to you! Mine was filled with family, friends, and lots of good food. And now, here we are on December 31, 2010. This (sometimes long, challenging, painful) year is coming to an end and a new one begins.

Are you sentimental about the start of a new year, Internetz? Hopeful? Full of resolutions?

For me, it depends. Some years I am very hopeful and sentimental about the start of a year - while other years I could care less and just want to get on with things.

I'm feeling the former for the upcoming 2011.

Maybe this is why.

This past fall, as Irish Boy and I took an extended break from fertility treatments (due to finances) we came to a decision. Actually it was a decision we made long ago - but ended up not pursuing it when Irish Boy was out of work.

Internetz, I have kept a secret from you for the past few months and I hope you'll forgive me. But Irish Boy and I are now homestudy approved to adopt. We will be adopting through the foster care system (CAS to my Canadian friends) and we have never felt happier, more at peace, and more excited.

Let me be clear: this is in NO way a comment on those pursuing IVF or other treatments - I've said it before and I'll say it again, my IVF girls are the bravest I know. IVF isn't totally off the table for us in the future -- but admittedly, it's teetering on the edge.

Adoption felt right to us so long ago, but when jobs were lost and not found for a long time, we never thought we'd get approved. With that turning around in the past year with Irish Boy landing a great new job with job security, our hearts went back to where we began this journey (long before I ever blogged or tweeted).

We did 9 weeks of mandatory classes, had our visits with our (amazing) social worker - and just before Christmas the homestudy was approved: signed, sealed and delivered.

So now we're in a new kind of waiting game - but this time, we can barely contain our excitement.

For us, this feels so very right - it is not the labour I had intended to have when I dreamed of having a family, but it is equally a labour of love.

So 2011 could in fact be a very exciting year.

I hope, Internetz, that you'll stick around for the ride.

Happy New Year to each of you -- may 2011 bring you all the wishes that you dream for.

Bad Blogger

2010-12-07T15:28:00.007-05:00

Internetz, I have been a bad, bad, blogger. I haven't updated in what feels like forever.

BOO to me. Have you missed me? I like to think that some of you have. Let me live that dream.

Life is busy. Work is busier and busier every day and of course with the holiday season upon us, life in general is busy too.

Some updates:

I went across the border for my first ever "Black Friday" shopping experience. Internetz, it was crazy, hilarious, exhausting, overwhelming and great fun all at once. I went with a great group of ladies - truly seasoned shoppers. I didn't sleep for over 30 hours. I'm sure had I been able to blog the post would have been my most hilarious - if not the most confusing, nonsensical - post EVER. Sorry you had to miss that.

My period is AWOL - as usual - but since I'm not doing treatments - and haven't been for so long - I'm not even sure if I care.

That's not true, I do care. But it kind of feels nice not to care *that much* y'know?

Irish Boy and are in the midst of some DIY in our house and he is currently ripping up our living room carpet to install laminate. Yes, we're doing this a few weeks before Christmas. No, it's not even close to being done. Yes, we're hosting Christmas at our house. No, we haven't totally lost our minds. Okay, yes. Yes we have.

We've also got some other exciting things in the works (this is not a cryptic pregnancy hint I promise) - but I need to save that for another time.

It's good to be back.

First Love

2010-11-10T19:55:00.010-05:00

I want to share with you my first love, Internetz.

But it's not exactly *that* kind of first love.

Here, let me show you a picture:

There she is, our very first car. Sure Irish Boy and I had cars before - but for me, my previous cars were always my parents - lended to me only on occasion. But the Beetle, well she was just ours. We picked her up on our first wedding anniversary (totally not planned, but how cool is that?) and she was my dream car.

I'm not kidding, Internetz, a VW Bug was (is) my dream car. Forget fancy sports cars or SUV-whatevers, give me a Beetle and I'm a happy girl.

We had her for 11 years and over 303,000 km (I think that's approximately 180,000+ miles for my American friends). But last week, it was time to put her to pasture.

We've got a new car now...and it's nice. In time, I will no doubt love it like our Beetle. It's probably more practical - bigger, roomier, four doors - planned for our hopes of having a family.

But as crazy as it sounds, I'm in a bit of mourning for my Bug. It was hard for me to walk away leaving her at the dealership, not knowing where she'd end up.

Our wee Bug drove us through 11 years of marriage - she took us on many road trip adventures to the States, throughout Ontario and beyond. The Beetle drove us to the Ice Hotel outside of Quebec City for Irish Boy's 30th birthday (that totally merits another post - such an amazing experience!). She drove us north when we moved out of the city and took me to work each and every day. The Bug became familiar with frequent trips for lattes with dear friends and carried me through countless infertility appointments, wandings, IUIs and more.

The Beetle supported us as we both sat in shock after learning about Irish Boy's IF issues and cradled us as we sobbed. She became my safe place after failed IUIs, giving me moments of solace before wiping away the tears and returning to work as if all was well.

As I type this and think about just how many places - how many memories - that car holds for us - the tears flow yet again like I'm saying goodbye to a dear friend.

What was your first car, Internetz? And does it hold any special place in your heart?

11 years ago, when we picked her up on August 7, there was a (fake) pink gerbera flower in the wee vase on the dash - a tradition of the Beetle.

I kept the flower. It now rests in the visor of my new wheels -- reminding me of all that was sweet -- and keeping me hopeful of what may come.

Cravings

2010-10-28T21:48:00.006-04:00

Internetz, I will confess that even though I have never been pregnant, I can get some pretty wicked food cravings.

Sometimes it's salty.

Sometimes it's sweet.

Sometimes it's both.

With Halloween almost upon us I can practically hear the candy calling my name. Surely a taste test or two (or 15) is required? I mean I'm just doing quality assurance to make sure that the candy is nothing but the finest of quality for the kids, right?

RIGHT?

Think of the children! That's what I'm doing.

Besides, I think the mini chocolate bars are screaming my name. I'm just eating them to shut them up.

That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

Loss

2010-10-15T13:53:00.006-04:00

Today marks National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day. Tonight, no matter what time zone you are in, when it is 7 p.m. there, you are encouraged to light a candle so that a wave of light can travel around the world in remembrance.

I have never experienced a loss so I cannot speak personally about this. But I have wept with others and certainly stand in solidarity with those who have experienced this kind of loss in their lives. I am blessed to call many of these women and men friends and am continually in awe of their courage, resilience, and grace.

I found this and thought that it was appropriate to post today. I am sorry that I do not know who wrote it but I hope that they wouldn't mind my sharing it on this day.

My Little One, My Dear One, My Love

My little one, my dear one, my love,

You will be with me forever:

in the thin sunlight and long shadows

of a clear winter's day;

in the dawn excitement of birds

sounding in early spring;

in the rustle of heavy-leafed trees

in a mid-summer's night;

in the rich aromas and bright colours

of a warm autumn day.

All that is excellent,

brushed by life's

brightness and shadow,

will remind me of you,

My little one, my dear one, my love.

You will beat with my heart,

see through my eyes,

hear with my ears,

feel on my skin.

Because your soul is mingled with my soul,

forever,

My little one, my dear one, my love.

Thanksgiving

2010-10-11T13:35:00.007-04:00

A big Happy Thanksgiving to all my fellow Canadian Internetz out there!

Yes, we Canucks get our turkey early and let me tell you, I absolutely adore this time of year. The fall is definitely my favourite season and I am surrounded by the glorious reds, oranges, and yellows of the changing trees. I am so thankful at this time of year to live where I do. It's like getting to watch nature's canvas in all it's glory on my commute each and every day!

Of course, I also get to enjoy this tonight:

I. CANNOT. WAIT. I am very thankful for Thanksgiving dinner. YUM.

But most of all? I am thankful for you, dear Internetz. Ever so thankful.

35

2010-10-05T14:36:00.010-04:00

Well, Internetz, the day is here. My birthday. 35 years old. Time flies but I am grateful for every moment of it.

Wish I could have you all here to celebrate with me in person...

But instead, let's celebrate with this...

And some of this...

Or this, if you shouldn't be having alcohol at the moment (it's non-alcoholic punch, I checked.)

It's been a great day and it's only just begun.

Oh...and that sweet Irish Boy of mine?

He got me this...

I am a lucky girl.

Birthday Wish(es)

2010-10-02T14:26:00.012-04:00

Dear Irish Boy,

My birthday is only a few days away now. I'm just sayin' - but I know you wouldn't forget because you're that awesome. (See what I'm doing here, Internetz? It's called sucking up. You'll see why.)

I'm sure you already have my birthday gift purchased, wrapped and hidden safely away (Not bloody likely, Internetz, I've torn the house apart looking for it and NADA) - but in case you don't, I have a couple of small (big) suggestions for you.

First, this:

Ohhh sweet MacBook. Isn't it beautiful? Think of all of the amazing things that I could do with this wonderful new electronic marvel! In fact, we could share it (Not going to happen, Internetz.) so it would be more than worth it!

Also? Remember these:

Gorgeous mosaic tiles! Wouldn't they make a gorgeous backsplash in our kitchen? They'd go so well with everything we have. And they're super easy to install! In fact, I could do it! (Highly unlikely, Internetz. DIY is all about the Irish Boy.)

What a marvellous birthday it would be! Throw in some flowers, dinner out at our (my) favourite restaurant and a delicious birthday cake and you'll have one happy girl (It'll also save him from the proverbial doghouse).

Looking forward to celebrating with you!

Love,

Rainy Day Thoughts

2010-09-28T12:35:00.007-04:00

As I type, the rain is just pouring down outside. POURING. Fall is definitely here in my neck of the woods! I absolutely adore the fall - rain n' all.

First, let me just say that I absolutely LOVED reading all of your responses to my last post. You all are "teh awesome" in my books. What I also loved? That we could all be taking different routes, but that it was totally okay. We're all out here to support each other. No matter what. You rock my socks, Internetz.

Exactly a week today I will turn 35. 35, Internetz, can you believe it?!

Now I've never been one to lament my age. I had no issues turning 30 or 29 for that matter. I figure that for every year that I get older, I get to celebrate another year of being on this earth, and that to me is a good thing.

Now I won't lie. The whole 35 thing occasionally lets those "EVER! DIMINISHING! FERTILITY!" thoughts creep into my head. But usually I tell them to suck it, because there are far too many fabulous women out there who have proven that age doesn't always mean "the end" for fertility.

But, next week! Another year older! Is it weird that I'm kind of excited?

Hope you are well, Internetz! Oh and to the follower or two who abandoned ship on following my blog? Well you're going to be missing out - because the best is yet to come!

Ramblings

2010-09-21T14:03:00.008-04:00

Oh HAI, Internetz! Happy Monday and all that jazz.

After a busy weekend of WORK. MEETINGS. FROM. HELL. I have entered into another work week that contains MORE. MEETINGS. FROM. HELL. Say it with me, BOO!

I'm trying to psych myself up for a daylong workshop tomorrow that is mandatory for all personnel. It runs all day and the thought of it makes me cringe. I don't know if I have adult ADD or what, but things like that make me squirm like nobodies business. My mind wanders, I get restless, I start creating back stories for other people in the room... What? Just me?

If I'm lucky, I'll be able to sneak on Twitter or something with my phone to help me through those inevitable boring workshop moments.

Work has been keeping me very busy, hence the lack of daily blogging, but I'm hoping that after this week it slows down a little bit.

But the distraction while I'm in the midst of this uber long ttc break is probably good. I have absolutely NO CLUE what cycle day it is and while that would normally cause me a bit of anxiety, I can honestly tell you that at this very moment, I could care less. Don't get me wrong - I won't feel this way forever - but it is a kind of nice place to dwell for the moment.

Tell me something, Internetz, how do/did you know that the path that you're on to create a family is the right one for you? I'm asking this with total innocence and all curiosity. It's been something that's been on and off of my mind while we've been on break and toyed with all of our potential family building options. I am honestly curious what brought you to your chosen path if you're willing to share? Perhaps it would be helpful for all of us!

If you feel comfortable, I hope that you'll share your answer below! Remember - totally no judgements on what anyone decided to do - we all may have different paths, but we're always here to support each other.

Overjoyed

2010-09-13T13:13:00.004-04:00

Internetz, one of the great joys of blogging and other social network venues is that I get the privilege of following your stories, cheering you on, celebrating with you in the good times and crying with you in the difficult ones. It is amazing how words on a screen become so much more than that. They become a living, breathing person. They become a friend.

It has been exciting in the last few months as a number of long-awaited BFP's have been announced. There has also been great sadness with losses in the world of infertility and beyond. In my short time blogging, I have felt joy and great disappointment with so many of you. What an honour.

Today I am overjoyed because a dear Twitter and bloggy friend, Lisa, is going to pick up her baby boy from the hospital. Lisa has taught me a lot over the past year about adoption, about the ups and downs that go with it, about disappointment, about waiting, and starting over. Lisa has taught me lessons in patience and most of all in hope. I am so thrilled for her that her time has come and she now gets to fulfill all her dreams of motherhood.

You can read her story and send your good wishes to her by visiting her blog.

Lisa and I both share a mutual love and fascination for this. Yes, Internetz, that is totally an Ewok Village playset from back in the day! I was trying secretly to locate one that I could send to her, but on eBay they are super expensive, sadly more than I can afford.

Now before you freak out, I totally know that this is NOT an appropriate toy for a baby. But it's so sweet, Internetz! (I sound like Peter Griffin in my head when I say that.)

My theory? Lisa could totally enjoy this playset herself (she totally would) until her beautiful baby is old enough to enjoy it too.

So I'm throwing this out there to the World Wide Webz - if anyone, anywhere has one of these playsets that they'd be willing to send to a proud new adoptive mama, you will have my undying gratitude. Children of the 80's check your basements, ask your brothers, scour garage sales! Let's totally do this for her!

To sweeten the deal, if you can help me do this, I'll totally send you a pile of sweet treats from Canada! Coffee Crisp, Crunchie bars, hell, even some maple syrup and Tim Horton's coffee!

Congratulations to all who are basking in the joy of pregnancy and motherhood and congratulations to Lisa and to all the other amazing mamas out there!

Recap

2010-09-07T14:10:00.004-04:00

Internetz, how can it be September already?! Is it just me, or did the summer fly by?

I want to thank some of you for the sweet emails sent my way asking if all was well and wondering why I have been so quiet. Let me assure you that I am totally fine. But time seems to have been passing me by so quickly these days and all my good intentions to blog seem to go out the window before I can even consider them.

It's been a great summer. Beautiful weather, some time off - even work itself hasn't been too crazy lest one week or so of drama. It feels like only yesterday it was late June and I was gearing up for some holiday time - then I blinked - and here we are - September 7. Crazy.

On the fertility front, we are still on break and honestly, it feels like ages before we will be pursuing treatment again. If you're just tuning in, we're looking ahead to our first (and possibly only) IVF attempt in the new year sometime. Finances are playing a big role in our decision to wait - but yours truly is also on a weight loss mission to get myself in better shape if we do go ahead with things.

It's funny though, I've been much more relaxed on this break. I've had treatment breaks before - granted for not as long - but I've always been really antsy during them. Like I could be missing that one "golden egg" while on break. But this time? Not so much. I can't really explain it, but for the first time in a long time, I've felt, well, almost at peace with everything. I know!

Maybe it's in part due to the fact that Irish Boy and I have been discussing other family building options. Hey, we're on break, it doesn't hurt to talk! That in itself feels exciting.

That said, I hope you'll keep reading - because I promise to start posting more often! And hey, I'm kind of funny sometimes, so it'll be worth your while. Pinky swear.

I hope as we move into the fall (did I just type that?!), you have nothing but good things come your way, Internetz.

I'm back, baby!

BlogHer $100 Question

2010-08-27T18:19:00.006-04:00

You guys! I'm so excited. I was chosen by BlogHer to be today's $100 question! Yay!

For those of you who are asking yourselves, "Uh, so? What's in it for me?"

How about $100?!

Want to answer my question for your chance to win $100? Then click here and take part in the fun!

It's been fun to read the answers so far - but I can't wait to see what some of my fellow blog friends have to say. Knowing that many of you can relate to how trying to spawn can sometimes put a damper on things like oh, passion and romance, I think this question is kind of fitting!

Did I mention you could win $100 just by answering my question? Because you can. Seriously. $100. Dude, what are you waiting for?!

Happy Friday!

Pain in the...

2010-08-18T21:56:00.004-04:00

You know it's funny, even though we are totally on an IF treatment break, I still find myself somewhat keeping track of things like my cycle length, what my period's like (if it actually shows up) and the like. I probably couldn't tell you exactly what cycle day I'm on, but I'm just kind of semi-aware, you know?

As of this morning, I've been feeling a strange pain on and off on my left side. It's a pain in my left ovary if you want me to get specific - nothing major but it's there. It reminds me of the ovulation pain that I sometimes would get when I was doing injections.

Could it be, Internetz? Could my crazy body actually be ovulating on its own?

Naturally I don't have any OPK's in the house to see - and am refusing (for now) to buy any. Since Irish Boy has no sperm it's not like this means anything overly earth shattering for us - but wow! How cool would that be if I was actually ovulating on my own?

A rare moment for me - so I'm going to take it as a definite possibility and relish in the moment!

Go body go!

Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day

2010-08-11T22:56:00.004-04:00

Internetz, I've had one hell of a day at work. I don't blog about work often and won't bore you with the details but if you could spare some good thoughts my way, they would be appreciated.

Today has definitely been one of these kind of days:

Remember me?

2010-08-09T12:54:00.004-04:00

Oh Internetz, I suck a bit because I haven't been posting.

Thanks to those of you who sent me sweet emails to see if I was still kicking around the web-o-sphere. Someone actually missed me!

All is well, I promise. The long and the short of it is that my job tends to entail a great deal of writing at times - and at the moment I'm in one of those times. So writing a lot for work means, you guessed it, not much juice left for the ol' blog!

That said, I'll try and keep things interesting around here lest you all give up on me!

The weight loss saga has had both ups and downs but I'm pleased to say that I'm back on an "up" at the moment. I will update you more fully in a post of it's own because hey, that gives me incentive to write!

Irish Boy and I celebrated 11 amazing years of marriage on Saturday. 11! How did we get this far? Once again, I would like to remind you all that I was a child bride.

Also exciting (at least to me), is that I've finally attempted knitting! This has always been something I wanted to do, but being severely craft-challenged, I was always too afraid. Thanks to inspiration from many of you, I went to a "learn to knit" class on Saturday morning and had a great time! I am going to attempt to knit a scarf (I was told I could handle this!) so stay tuned! Who knows, maybe I'll find my craft gene after all.

Irish Boy and I have also been having a lot of discussions about our IF next steps. Whatever it will be, it won't be for a while (thank you lack of finances and weight loss), so I will confess that there may not be nearly as much talk of injections and wandings as you're used to from me! At least not for now!

That said, I hope you'll stick with me?

Heaven

2010-07-19T16:19:00.007-04:00

Internetz, I have just returned from heaven on earth. I'm not even kidding.

About an hour north of Toronto is a lovely town called Cobourg. It's quaint, has some great restaurants, a gorgeous beach and marina, and fun little shops.

But it's also home of heaven on earth - the Victoria View B&B.

Irish Boy and I just had a romantic 3-day getaway there. It's, ahem, the 5th time we've been. Yes, we like it THAT much.

The freshly roasted coffee each morning is enough to make my toes curl with delight but then there are the breakfasts. Oh! The breakfasts! Even for those of us trying to be health conscious! One morning it was a feta and asparagus omelet with fresh greens topped with a homemade ginger orange dressing and sunflower seed toast. Are you dying? The fact they they use as many local and organic foods as possible makes me feel even more saintly.

Irish Boy and I enjoyed walks down by the marina to look at all of the boats (I wonder if we'd have one if we didn't spend all of our money on IF treatments?) and lovely dinners at local restaurants. We each splurged and had hot stone facials/massages - and I could've died it was so nice.

Now it's back to reality. But I can gaze longingly at the photos on the website and dream of going back again.

Honestly, if you are in the area and wanting a mini-getaway - or you're travelling up this way and want a place to stop for the night - let me know, I'll send you all the info you need to stay there. I'm not getting any compensation of any kind for saying all of this - I honestly just love this place so much that it must be shared!

But for now...back to reality!

Banned

2010-07-13T15:18:00.008-04:00

Internetz, you are my witnesses. I am hereforth and forever banned from this:

Alert your local DQ and tell them to put my picture up with an "X" through it. I am BANNED.

That is all.

The Hangover

2010-07-11T14:20:00.007-04:00

Ohhhhh Internetz, as I posted on Twitter earlier, I am currently starring in my own version of "The Hangover." Yours truly got into the wine last night and while it was great then, it's not so great now. It's been a while since I've enjoyed the wine, erm, that much, and let's just say it will probably be a really long time before I do it again.

Before I forget, head on over to my Giveaways blog to see if you were the big winner! Thanks to all who took part in the fun!

I also really want to thank each and every one of you for the kind words of support from my last post. Now if only some of you would move to my neighbourhood! Any takers?

But seriously, if anyone else out there is on a mission to lose some weight - for fertility reasons OR otherwise - and you'd like a buddy, send me an email! I could use all the support and accountability I can get and I promise to give you 110% of my support back.

For now though, it's time to lie down and dramatically lament the wine that was my demise last night!

Hope you're having a great weekend!

Overwhelmed

2010-07-06T15:26:00.005-04:00

Don't forget to enter my jewelry giveaway that ends on Saturday! Click here for all the details!

So I'm in a bit of a funk over this whole IVF thing.

It's not the IVF itself - though I confess to still being terrified about the whole process and not really sure that yours truly (wimp extraordinaire) can handle all of this.

Perhaps funk isn't the right word. Overwhelmed definitely covers it.

I started some holidays from work at the end of last week and you'd think that would be a good thing. I had big plans. I was going to start a regular workout routine to help me in my weight loss goal for IVF. I was going to get back to acupuncture and start taking all of my supplements again. I was going to be energized, positive, and totally into all that will help us pursue IVF in the new year.

That hasn't happened. None of it has happened.

I don't know if it's the heat, being overtired from a super busy time at work or just the fact that it's all so overwhelming.

We're definitely feeling more secure about the whole financial aspect of IVF, but we've got to work some more of that out.

I need - not want - NEED - to lose a good 50 lbs. to reach my personal goal of where I'd feel comfortable attempting IVF.

I do want this - please don't give me the "if you really want all this, you'd shut up and get on it" speech - I know most of you would mean well but it won't help me at this point.

I'm just overwhelmed and I don't know if I can do this.

Irish Boy is a great support (seriously, the man is a saint) but I really wish that I had a group of female friends who would cheer me on. I don't really have that - most of my girlfriends here are busy with their own lives and families. They don't get the IF thing so I'm feeling a tad lonely out here.

I don't know if I can lose the weight - I sure as heck can't get going to even lose 5lbs.

And if I can let you in on the secret that I've held only in my heart, what if I feel like it probably won't happen for me? That I won't be one of the successful ones?

So overwhelmed. Don't take this as my pity party - just hoping that my vent will help me find a better place to dwell.

Something New

2010-07-05T13:23:00.010-04:00

Oh Internetz, is it as hot out there where you are? It is HOTTER. THAN. HELL. here today! Worse? It's going to be HOTTER. THAN. HELL. all week. Joy. A fan of high humidity I am not.

So to entertain myself indoors, I have added a new feature to my blog: Giveaways!

Just click that little 'giveaways' link up in the bar along the top and join in the fun!

Right now I have a fabulous jewelry giveaway going on - you don't want to miss it!

But don't worry, I'm not abandoning this blog to go the giveaways route -but do check it out from time to time - I promise to keep it interesting!

Stay tuned for an update soon on the latest in my IVF saga!

Stay cool out there - this little guy has the right idea:

Disney

2010-06-21T16:59:00.003-04:00

Just a few favourite shots from our time at Disney.

We managed to hit all of the Disney parks. We toured the world (and the future!) at Epcot, saw stunts and shows at Hollywood Studios, went on safari at the Animal Kingdom, and of course spent night and day at my favourite, the Magic Kingdom.

The one shot is of the gorgeous Grand Floridian Resort Hotel. No, we did not stay there. But a girl can dream!

Pardon my horrendous hair in that last shot, Internetz. This girl does not do well in that kind of heat and humidity!

There are of course hundreds of more shots to share - but I thought I'd spare you! Hope you enjoy these!

Unspeakable Kindness

2010-06-17T15:02:00.005-04:00

This was supposed to be a different post.

I was going to talk about my visit to the RE and those three letters that I have been fearful to hear: IVF. It is time to think about moving on in our fertility treatments.

I was going to share my fears about the procedures (I'm a self-proclaimed wimp) but most of all, I was going to question whether or not we could even continue. You see, all treatments are out of pocket for us now - and as many of you well know, IVF is a big expense.

Yesterday, my colleague and I had lunch together. He and I work closely together and have done so for about three years. He's in his 50s, and Irish Boy and I have gotten to know him and his wife socially in our time working together. Because we work so closely, they both know what we're dealing with in the infertility world.

He and his wife have two grown sons. Wonderful young men who are off on their own now working and doing all the things young men should do.

But back to lunch. In short, he and his wife have offered Irish Boy and I a loan - no interest - to cover IVF. It's something that they have discussed and agree it's what they want to do. They know that we will pay them back as we can (and we would).

Internetz, what kept me from bawling through the rest of our lunch, I do not know. He asked me to think about it and, of course, discuss with Irish Boy. While he and his wife have not experienced infertility personally, they would like us to have all the opportunities that we can to become parents. They know, that with all IF treatments, there is no guarantee. But this, he said, gives us hope of what could be. I asked about his sons - not wanting to take anything from them - but was assured that they are able to do this and that there would be no affect to their sons.

As I type this, I continue to tear up at such an offer. This is money that they could no doubt use themselves to travel, renovate their home, buy a new car, you name it. But no, they want us to have access to it.

I tweeted about this yesterday and the overwhelming response was to take them up on their offer. This is a genuine offer - an offer from the heart with truly no strings attached.

What what you do?

I'm Baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack

2010-06-07T17:18:00.005-04:00

Who fell off the face of the blogging world?

THIS GIRL.

Don't worry, Internetz, I was not in the depths of sadness from yet another failed cycle. I was in Disney World.

Seriously. I told you in my last post I was going. So I did.

When the going gets tough, the tough go to Disney World. Or at least in my world they do!

Irish Boy and I met up with his 4 siblings (all travelling in from Belfast and area) in Orlando and spent our days in theme parks and our nights in fabulous restaurants. Imagine one crazy Canadian (that would be me), and 5 wild Irish guys and girls on the town in Orlando for a week.

Good times? You're damn right.

I will post some pictures soon - that I took on my Canon Rebel, holla! Yes, I got my camera! To my Nikon lovers, please forgive - I did appreciate all of the advice that you all shared. The price point was the deciding factor and I think, for me, I made the right decision.

But yours truly is back and has missed you all. I'm seriously behind on everyone's posts, but I will aim to catch up!

In infertility news, not much happening since we had to skip this cycle, but I do meet with the RE this week to plot our next plan of attack. I'm assuming we'll do one more dIUI, but stay tuned!

Gimme a B!

2010-05-14T12:24:00.007-04:00

Gimme a F!

Gimme a N.

BFN, Internetz, the sad story of my life.

This about sums it up:

I have to sit this next cycle out because of our upcoming holiday.

But don't worry about me.

Infertility can suck it....cuz I'm going to Disney World!

Say Cheese!

2010-05-10T12:22:00.005-04:00

Brace yourselves, Internetz, this is not a post about infertility, PCOS, dIUIs, two week waits, my cervix being like Chuck Norris (though it totally is), donor sperm, or anything of the like!

It's okay. Do you need a moment? Deep breaths. I promise I am not abandoning my infertility repartee.

But assuming this cycle fails (I'm not optimistic, but since I'm NOT blogging about THAT today, I'll leave it at that), I am destined to take the next cycle off because Irish Boy and I are taking a long awaited holiday! That's right. One month free of needles and progesterone up the hoo! We're going to Disney World!

More on that another time. I'm so super excited I can barely think straight.

As we make our plans and plot our "must sees" (does the Coach outlet count?), I am trying to convince my dear, sweet, beloved Irish Boy (you know he's reading this) that we totally need to invest in a better digital camera before we go away.

You see, we've always gone for a fairly modest camera - partly due to finances - partly due to the fact that I find shopping for these damn things super overwhelming. I'm more of the picture taker in this household and my current digital camera feels more like one hot photographic mess. Try as I might, I swear that many of my photos come out grainy - and before you say it's me (though that's probably partially true) - having read numerous reviews on my current camera, I see that I am definitely not the only one.

So I feel like before we take the trip that we've been waiting a long time to take together, we should suck it up and spend some extra money on a camera that's going to help us capture the wonderful memories that we're going to have. (See what I did there, that's called emotional blackmail. Are you taking notes, Irish Boy?)

I want to invest in a DSLR camera this time. My current one is essentially your basic digital 'point and shoot'. But, I'm a newbie with these, so I want a good 'starter' one. I don't want to break the bank but I do want my money spent to be worth it.

So I've been looking at the Canon Rebel XS - supposedly a solid, entry level DSLR for beginners. The plainer sister if you will to some of the newer Canon Rebel generations. The reviews definitely don't paint it to be perfect - but they do seem to suggest that for a first-timer, this isn't a bad investment.

So all you DSLR camera happy people out there, help a girl out! What is YOUR recommendation for a good starter camera?

And We're Off...

2010-04-29T16:17:00.006-04:00

Two big, mature follies,
One on the left, one on the right,
Time to T-R-I-G-G-E-R tonight.
Will one be THE ONE?
With time we'll see.
IUI on Saturday,
Then the two week wait insanity!
So of those six pretty follies, two have indeed come through - with a third hanging out but probably still a bit too small to do much. Time to gird my loins for Saturday with chants of "Own the speculum! Own the catheter!" once more.

I'm tired this cycle. I don't think that it's the IF stuff bringing me down but with all that is going on at work plus all of the demands of cycle monitoring, exhaustion has set in. I pray for a quick and easy IUI process this weekend and then, who knows? I'm not optimistic, I'm not pessimistic. I'm just here - hopeful - but realistic - open to whatever may have to come next.

Once again, they've put me on that lovely little blue pill. No, not Viagara (Irish Boy wishes!), but good ol' Estrace. But good news! No "shagging the smurf" for me this time! I get to take it orally, which means by the weekend, Irish Boy will have come up with something dirty to describe that. Stay tuned!

To distract me from my impending dIUI, I'm very excited to be going to a production of "The Producers" tomorrow night. A good friend is one of the leads and this may be just what the doctor ordered after a very busy few weeks. Throw in dinner out beforehand, and yours truly is one happy girl.

As for tonight? Crashing out in front of the tv until it's time to load up that needle for the trigger sounds just about perfect to me. Livin' the infertility dream here, Internetz! Livin' the dream!

Update

2010-04-26T18:28:00.006-04:00

6 little follies sitting in my ovaries,
G-R-O-W-I-N-G
First comes wanding,
Then comes trigger,
Then comes baby making my belly bigger?!
Sorry for being M.I.A. lately Internetz, as usual, I only have work to blame! It's a busy time! But I'm in the midst of this next dIUI cycle and "enjoying" nightly I.M. injections once again.

So far I have six, yes six, follicles over 10 mm - unheard of for me! That said, all six will definitely not be big enough before trigger - but I'm hoping for a couple that will be good to go - and hopefully end this madness! We shall soon see.

Tomorrow morning it's back for another wanding to see where we're at. Somewhat fitting to be in the midst of treatments on this Infertility Awareness Week.

I've spread my legs for wandings, stirrups, speculums, IUI catheters and more! What can you do? Spread awareness. Spread compassion. Spread hope!

I Spent Hundreds of Dollars on Fertility Meds...

2010-04-14T20:58:00.004-04:00

...and all I got was this lousy crotch rot.

Oh, and a BFN.

Yeah, that too.

Went in a day early for my beta since Ladyville is up in arms and it was confirmed this afternoon that this cycle is not the one.

Then I went to a work meeting for two hours and held myself together like a pro.

Then I came home. And I cried. And cried. And cried some more.

But then I picked myself up, wiped my eyes, and dusted myself off. You see, battling infertility is a bit like being in the boxing ring. Infertility, however, does not fight fair and I got one hell of a sucker punch today.

But this isn't the knockout round. Come the flow of red, I'm back in the ring, ready to fight again another day.

Something's Rotten In The Suburb of Ladyville

2010-04-12T11:32:00.006-04:00

Don't be alarmed, Internetz, it's not my dreaded period. Not yet anyways.

I highly debated posting this. I know that I'm already a bit in your face with my 'stuff' - but I'm honestly desperate here and could use some help.

Let me preface all this with the fact that this is not infertility related - but it's definitely lady related. Guys, avert your eyes!

In the last 24+ hours I have been itchier than a mosquito bite down in Ladyville. My hoo isn't only blue - it's itchy too! (Sorry.)

TMI alert - I KNOW. But seriously, have any of you girls dealt with this? Wear sunglasses and a fake mustache in your comments below - I swear I won't blow your cover!

It can't be an allergic reaction to the progesterone or shagging the smurf (estrace) since I've been using them for too long. No change to laundry detergent, shower gel, etc.

For the first time in *cough* a while, Dr. Google has been consulted for something other than pregnancy symptoms. Of course "yeast infection" (FUN) was the first thing that came to mind but there isn't the discharge that Dr. Google attributes to that (and says it looks like cottage cheese? Holy hell!)

There's no burning, it doesn't hurt to pee, I'm just itchy and uncomfortable as all get out.

I know what you're thinking - get thee to your doctor! Unfortunately my family doctor is an hour away (I love her and even after we moved I refused to give her up) and I'm not due at the fertility clinic until later this week. I really don't want to go to a walk-in clinic however rest assured if this keeps up I will see my doctor.

But for now, help! What the heck can I do? Obviously since I still don't know what if anything is going on in the ol' ute I'm reluctant to use medications.

But short of having my hand permanently down my pants or attempting to scooch across my floor like one of my dogs (there are some visuals for you, eh?) I need to find some relief.

Ideas, mocking, sympathy, and help are all welcome!

As for those thinking I've hit a new low in my posting? Yes, yes I have.

Paging Dr. Google

2010-04-09T15:15:00.004-04:00

Happy Friday, Internetz! I know, I know, I've been a bit M.I.A. lately. Mostly, it's due to a super busy couple of weeks at work and partly due to the fact that I have no idea what to tell you. I'm still in the midst of the two week wait and do you really want to hear about the mindfuckery that goes on in my head?

Well hopefully someone does because today I'm presenting a dose of it!

I've got another week before my beta and to be honest I go through days of wanting it to just hurry up and get here to days of just feeling 'meh' about the whole thing. This cycle - especially post-dIUI - has been rather strange.

Strange in that I'm feeling absolutely nothing. No cramping, nothing. So different from my last cycle when I would've sworn that I felt implantation. Let's not go there on how wrong I was. Ahem.

But yes, nothing. Nothing except a super stuffy nose for the past week which I'm chalking up to a weird cold (an inconsistent dry cough has started in the last day or so) or to the fact that since I'm shoving blue pills up my hoo* (*please read my previous post if that has you going, "Whaaa?"), I've got enough estrogen in my system that's contributing to the stuffy nose syndrome.

Of course Dr. Google says that a stuffy nose can be an early pregnancy sign - but I'm going to tell Dr. Google to shove it where the sun don't shine - I won't fall for his vicious traps this time!

Of course, I haven't totally neglected blogging. Over on our joint blog at Conceive, my husband and I have created our very own Top 10 List of Distractions During the Two Week Wait. Go on over and add your own to the list!

By this time next week I predict that I will either be a puddle of joy or a puddle of despair - but either way - ready to keep on riding this crazy IF ride no matter where it takes me. The best part? Having you along with me. I don't know what I would do without this amazing IF community. It may be the elevated progesterone and estrogen talking, but you I love you guys!

Shagging The Smurf

2010-04-03T13:09:00.008-04:00

Happy weekend, Internetz! I hope that wherever you are it is as warm and sunny as it is in my neck of the woods. We've been enjoying some unseasonably warm weather over the past couple of days and let me tell you, we've been taking advantage of it!

So, the title of this post probably has you a tad concerned that I either:

A) Lost my mind

B) Have some truly bizarre fetish that I didn't share till now.

C) All of the above.

Not quite.

You see, post-IUI, I've had to add yet another thing to my "hoping I get pregnant" repertoire. As usual, I have the fun of shoving those waxy progesterone suppositories up into Ladyville twice a day. Who said infertility wasn't sexy? Right? Can I get a holla?

Oh never mind.

So in addition to those messy buggers, yours truly is also on a wee blue pill called estrace which is essentially estrogen. It's a tiny little thing.

So you're thinking, no big deal, right? Easy to swallow even if it is twice daily? Suck it up, princess.

Brace yourselves, Internetz. Sadly, it's not something that I get to swallow. (This post is sounding dirtier by the minute.)

You see, that tiny blue pill ALSO has to be shoved up into Ladyville twice daily resulting in a blue mess that I won't even begin to describe for you.

Hence, "shagging the smurf" as Irish Boy and I have come to nickname it because there ain't nothing good when you've got blue coming out your hoo!

Are my two weeks up yet?

The things we sometimes have to do, eh? AWESOME.

Joke's On Me?

2010-04-01T12:24:00.005-04:00

Happy April Fool's Day, Internetz!

I wish that I had an awesome prank for you, alas, I don't! I do however have two - possibly three - follicles that are on the move and had better do their thing!

I had my dIUI this morning so in two weeks the joke may or may not be on me! Not sure if having an IUI on April Fool's Day is a good or bad omen, but I'm taking the positive for now and hoping for the best.

Thanks to you all for your kind words and suggestions in my last post. Luckily Nurse Awesome was on for my IUI today so I was able to chat with her about my lining. She wasn't horribly concerned - though I will be on progesterone suppositories as per usual. She's also going to consult with the RE to see if I should be put on some estrogen so I should know by later this afternoon whether I need to add that to my repetoire.

So now I wait. And wait. And wait. And wait some more.

And that, my friends, might be the cruelest prank of all. Oh the waiting!!

Did you pull any April Fool's pranks? Distract me and share them!

As The Follicles Grow - The Saga Continues

2010-03-30T12:38:00.008-04:00

Hey Internetz! Remember me?! I won't be so bold to assume that any of you have noticed my lack of blogging over the past week or missed me but I have to chalk my absence up to a super busy time at work! This week isn't much better, but I had to throw in an update somewhere!

Believe it or not, I've managed to miss telling you all about my various wandings and injections this cycle. So a quick synopsis of the dramz down in Ladyville: My lazy left ovary is truly living up to it's lazy nickname having produced no mature follies for me this time. But good ol' righty comes through again with three! I should be triggering in the next day or so and then comes the hell that is the two week wait.

FUN TIMES.

I'm also here with a question for those of you who are dealing with IF treatments. If you're not, please feel free to hit next on your reader now!

Are you ready?

So my follicles have been growing nicely this cycle - but my lining? Not so much. Only a 6.8 and no real change over the past couple of days. With my dIUI looming, I'm a tad concerned. I will be on progesterone suppositories twice daily regardless but is there something I should be doing post-IUI to ensure that my lining is doing what it should? Is there a blood test to check for that? If you can help me be more pro-active about this with any advice, I'd appreciate it!

For now though, it's back to work and hoping that the clinic calls soon with news of my trigger!

I promise that if I survive this week at work, I will get back in gear commenting on your blogs! Know that I'm reading them!

I to the C to the L to the W

2010-03-23T21:50:00.008-04:00

Happy March ICLW everyone!

Yes, I'm a bit late to the game here, but better late than never, no?

First, can I just say a big you all are 'teh awesome' for your amazingly kind comments on my last post. They all deserve a big, "YOU GUYS!!!" Seriously, I was holding up really well until I read all of your awesome words. Then I melted into a puddle of tears because, really, how awesome are all of you? LOVE.

If you're visiting via ICLW, welcome! I'm a Canadian girl married to an Irish guy. My husband and I have been trying to spawn life for what seems like an eternity. I have PCOS and he was diagnosed with azoospermia (no sperm). Our last cycle was wicked awesome - I usually don't respond well to the meds but I was a trooper last time and had three lovely follicles to trigger for my dIUI. However in spite of all of the great things that happened in the cycle unfortunately my evil period showed up and that was that.

That said, yours truly is like a dog with a bone and I refuse to let IF bring me down. So we're back in the game for another cycle. Injections start up tomorrow night. Oh joy, oh rapture! But I'll take them - even though I loathe them. Why? Because infertility can suck it!

Stick around - tales of injections and wandings are coming soon!

In completely unrelated news: I have just finished reading an absolutely amazing novel called The Help by Kathryn Stockett. I could not put this book down. Has anyone read it? What are you reading that has you hooked? Do share!

No Go

2010-03-18T20:40:00.005-04:00

Well Internetz, you've likely wisely figured out by the picture to your left that, yes, my period has decided to arrive one day before my beta. It's timing has never been good. It's ridiculously late most of the time. But this time it's decided to turn up a tad early. So it looks like I'm out for this month.

Am I disappointed? Of course. Shocked? Not overly. I've been on this IF roller coaster long enough now to know that even the best of cycles can let us down. Am I upset? A little. I will confess to some tears but I did not dissolve into the puddle that I thought that I might.

As much as I'd prefer to share the glorious news of a BFP with you, I'm going to have to settle for this. Today, I've learned to respect myself a little more than I did before. I'm a lot stronger than I've ever been willing to give myself credit. I never thought that I'd be able to do this. To deal with all of the ups and downs and curve balls that infertility can throw. I never thought that I'd have the resolve or the resilience. Hell, I never really thought that I'd have the strength to even go through half of the stuff that I've had to thus far.

But you know what? I can do this. I will do this. Try as IF might, I refuse to let it bring me down.

Is this my pep talk to myself? You bet. Because I will be damned if I'm not going to go for my (futile) beta tomorrow morning, announce my CD-1, and get right back on this crazy ride. Day 3 wanding again? I'll take it. I.M. injections? Bring them on.

Because you know, I'm still in this game. Even the best of cycles will not break me.

I can do this. And you know what? You can too.

For all those wonderful women that are awaiting their betas or have received that glorious positive news - know that with all of my heart I congratulate you. I wish you nothing but a very happy and healthy nine months.

Also? I look forward to joining you one of these days.

Let's do this.

Luck o' the Irish

2010-03-17T18:44:00.005-04:00

Internetz, do not let the title of this post deceive you.

I have NO news. None. Nada. Zilch.

You see, I chickened out. I couldn't pee on a stick this morning, I just couldn't. Well okay, physically I *could*, but mentally I couldn't. I'd like to think that St. Patrick and the rest of the Irish saints would've been on my side, but I still couldn't go there.

I'd be lying if I also didn't say that I couldn't imagine facing the busy day that I had at work knowing one way or another. Can you imagine? I would've either spent my day dashing to the bathroom in tears or been so ridiculously happy that my co-workers would probably have thought I started some St. Patrick's Day celebrations early.

I'm not ready yet. With my beta still a couple of days away, I confess to wanting to bask in the world of "ignorance is bliss" for a little longer.

Yes, I am still sneaking peeks at a variety of "symptom" sites that Google presents me (might I note though that the cramps that I had earlier this week have all but disappeared for the most part). And I don't want to brag, but I do believe that my toilet paper examination rivals the best CSI's out there (if there's a speck of blood, you can bet that I'm going to see it!). So yes, still as bat shit crazy as ever!

But happy. Possibly delusional. Definitely hopeful.

There are two HPT's that remain unopened in my bathroom upstairs. I'm not sure if they'll get opened before the beta.

Then again, there's always tomorrow morning...

10dpiui

2010-03-15T16:04:00.006-04:00

Wow, totally exciting blog title, eh? But that's where I am at. 10 days past IUI.

I must say, this has to be my most difficult two week wait ever. As I've said before, this cycle just came together so well. I've never had this happen. I fear that these final days will be nothing short of excruciating as I wait and do everything in my power to ward off my period.

Last night, I did the worst thing, Internetz. Really, an awful thing. In fact, I'm hanging my head in shame as I type.

Last night, all night (well okay for a good number of hours), I googled. Oh, I googled good.

I wasn't going to. I had self-banned myself from all things Google during this waiting game. But last night I caved.

You see I was cramping something fierce yesterday. Frequently. It freaked me out. It rattled me enough to fear that my period was not only coming, but coming early. I have to confess that I'm still kind of wondering what the heck was going on down in Ladyville yesterday since it is still early days all things considered.

So I went there. I googled. At first, it was great. There was the elation of what the cramps might be! Oh! Oh! Say it is for me too!

But then I took it too far. I paid for my illicit googling and was filled with dread and despair. Let's all give Google a good fist shake for good measure!

So here I sit - banned from Google (again) - and waiting.

Will I pee on a stick (POAS) before the week is up?

At this point, I'm saying no. But, judging from my Google track record above, let's not get too hasty.

Can I share a fantasy with you, Internetz? Don't worry, it's not THAT kind of fantasy.

Oh Wednesday, it's St. Patrick's Day. As you know, I'm married to a born and bred Irishman. So St. Patrick's Day is kind of a big deal. My crazy fantasy is that I would POAS that morning and it would be positive - luck o' the Irish you know. Can you imagine the glee that I would have giving him that news on such a day? Cliche, perhaps. But in our little world it would be very cool.

But after last nights cramping episode, I'm not sure if I can risk it. For my last two IUI's, I was always spotting a day or two before beta. By the time I actually would go for the beta (required by my clinic no matter what) I was always in full blown CD-1. This time, I'd just be happy to make it to beta with the possibility of something great still there. I know the waiting will drive me nuts - but as crazy as it makes me - there is this little spark of joy for what could be that keeps me going.

Stay away period, stay away! Even if I'm only basking in a fantasy for a little longer!

It's Friday!

2010-03-12T17:15:00.006-05:00

That's right, another Friday is upon us and that means it's time for Friday Follow!

If you're stopping by because of it, welcome. Feel free to stick around! If you haven't participated in a Friday Follow before and are intrigued, keep on reading to find out how you can join in the fun!

Here's how YOU can join the celebration:

* Link up your blog name and URL using the MckLinky below. You only need to add on one blog to be seen on all the blog hops.
* Grab the Friday Follow and Sponsor buttons and include both on your Friday Follow blog post.
* Follow the Friday Follow hostesses listed in the first 3 slots.
* Follow as many other blogs as you like.
* Comment on the blogs telling them you're from Friday Follow.
* Follow back when you get a new follower through Friday Follow.

Easy peasy, lemon squeezy!

Happy Friday everyone!

Help A Girl Out

2010-03-11T20:39:00.005-05:00

Not this girl. But I am looking for some help for someone else.

I had a lovely email from an equally lovely woman who is in the process of writing an article for the University of Michigan Alumni Magazine. She is looking for two U of M alumni to interview about infertility for an upcoming article.

Would that happen to be you? Or do you know someone who might be able to help? If you do or if you'd like some more information, please email me (fertilitychick at gmail dot com) and I will pass along her contact information.

I know it's a wonderfully big blogosphere out there, so I'm hoping that by word of mouth (okay, okay, word of blog) we can help her out with some contacts!

Thanks everyone!

Distractions

2010-03-09T18:42:00.005-05:00

Well hey there, Internetz! I hope that the start of the week has been treating you well. We are enjoying some unseasonably spring-like weather in my neck of the woods. The kind of weather that, were we all in high school, we'd probably be skipping class to sit outside and bask in the sunshine.

Wait, you did that too right? Back in high school I had a teacher whom I'll call Mr. M. who taught a lot of the business courses. God love him, the man was a complete pushover. At the sign of some good weather it just took a sugary sweet request to "Pleeeeeeeeeease let us have class outside" and the man would cave. He was also a firm believer in "mental health days" and actually encouraged us to miss a class if we needed to just to clear our heads. He was either ahead of his time or completely insane. Possibly both.

What's that? You're wondering how I'm doing with this two week wait deal? Oh, did I forget to mention that? SILLY ME. I must have completely forgotten that I was in the midst of one! (This is where you're to imagine me batting my eyelashes and telling you that in my syrupy sweet voice usually saved for teachers on warm, sunny days.)

Internetz, if I may be frank (why do I feel like all of you are going to address me as Frank in the comments now?), I am going bat shit crazy here.

Honestly, this is my worst two week wait. EVAH. I don't know if it's because I have been so filled with hope since this cycle seemed to come together so well or what, but the wait is killing me. KILLING. ME. You know that pregnancy test commercial where the woman says something along the lines of "Want to know the minute you conceived? Well science is getting close..."? Well let's just say I'd like to give science a good slap and tell them to get on it already! Bloody hell if I make it to the end of these two weeks, I may have gone just past the brink of insanity so it may not matter what happens!

So I survive with distractions! Fortunately work has kept me on my toes and will continue to do so this week. I have also spent a lot of time with this woman and this woman. I must say, I have a bit of a girl crush on them both. I'm cooking up a storm over here, hoping to try a new recipe every night, and baking in between! This however, has been a great distraction and reaping the rewards has been even better. I imagine that if in two weeks I see another negative appear (yet again), I will take myself to my happy place where the two of them will pat my head and tell me it will be okay while they each feed me their latest recipe to make it all better.

Too far?

Moving on. So that's where I'm at. Tell me, what do you do when you need to be distracted? It's not just about the two week wait. There are many moments in life when distraction is not only needed but it can even help keep you going. How do you cope?

Speculum? Owned.

2010-03-05T20:52:00.005-05:00

That's right, Internetz, I owned that speculum this morning. Not only that, I owned the catheter as well. My cervix was like Chuck Norris, it didn't even need the catheter, it just marched those sperm in there.

I have no idea what that means. But yes, I'm giggling at my own joke. Sad, but true.

I cannot thank all of you enough. The comments on here and on Twitter over the past couple of days have kept me going. Over the weekend I hope to be able to catch up with you personally to give my thanks and catch up with you.

When it was IUI time this morning, I was ready. I wore my SITM "Goddess of Good Fortune" socks and had the very lovely Nurse Awesome in the room for support. I have to even give credit to the doctor who was much lovelier this time (I think Nurse Awesome had words with her).

Honestly, it was smooth sailing - dare I say the easiest yet. My cervix was definitely in cooperative mode. I've been a bit crampy all day, likely in part due to the IUI but also I think some cramping can be attributed to ovulation pains. My blood work from this morning got a big thumbs up from Nurse Awesome before I left the clinic and she felt super positive about the timing of all of this.

So now we wait. I have the pleasure of invading Ladyville with progesterone suppositories twice a day for the next couple of weeks, but you know what, even though they're a pain in the ass, if they help result in good news in a couple of weeks, I'll do just about anything. I'll also continue my daily listening of the Circle+Bloom program.

I am cautiously optimistic. This has been my best medicated cycle to date. I responded well to the meds and in good time. I was able to produce multiple good looking follicles. But, is that enough? I guess only time will tell.

I guess all I can say is, come on follicles! Own that sperm!

Own The Speculum

2010-03-04T17:50:00.003-05:00

Dear Cervix,

Tomorrow morning, it's just you and me. Together, we are going to own the speculum and get this dIUI done! Please be cooperative. The happier you are, the happier we all will be.

Remember, the catheter is your friend. It's bringing all your sperm buddies to par-tay down in Ladyville while the going is good. So let's own the catheter too. Let that s.o.b. just slide on through to deliver the goods.

Together, we can do this. I know we can.

Thank you in advance for your cooperation.

Now let's OWN THE SPECULUM!

Sock It To Me!

2010-03-03T20:42:00.006-05:00

When the very cool Kym introduced the Winter 2010 Sockeroo of "Sock It To Me" (SITM), I knew that I was IN!

What's this all about, you ask? Well I couldn't put it better than Kym herself:

"According to Dictionary.com, sockeroo is defined as a notable success. We might not all have successes on our individual journeys, but what we never fail at is offering support to one another. We're like a good pair of socks: no matter our different appearances or compositions, we provide warmth, comfort, and support.

Welcome to The Sockeroo - a list of notable successes in the support and warmth found within this blogging community."

In addition to exchanging cool socks with our buddies, we were also to share how the ALI community has helped us. For me, it's just knowing others out there "get it." It's having supportive comments on the good days and more importantly, the bad ones. It's being constantly amazed that there are women out there whom I have never met (and perhaps never will) who are rooting for me like a sister. I don't know if it's all these damn raging hormones from the fertility drugs, but I'm tearing up here and feel the need to exclaim, "I love you guys!"

My buddy was Lynn from Wistful Girl. I hope that she's enjoying her socks! It was neat to be paired with Lynn because we share some similar IF challenges. We're both dealing with PCOS and insulin resistance. Right now she's doing well with a Femara cycle, so why not stop by and give her some love!

Now for my socks. How excited was I yesterday when I picked up the mail and saw a package from the U.S.! I tore it open the minute I got home and here is what was inside:

Two amazing pairs of socks from Traci over at IF Optimist, then... Traci sent a lovely and kind note (on the coolest "Where The Wild Things Are" card!) inspiring me on. After her own IF journey she is now expecting twin girls! Reading her blog gives me hope for what CAN happen. Traci, thank you so much, know that I'm wishing you and your "wee monsters" all the very best!

I had to capture these socks off of my feet so you could see the amazing designs. The first, a stunning red pair with a glamourous girl holding a martini. According to Traci these are for "when (I) really want that martini...try these instead:"

The second pair is definitely what I'll be wearing to my dIUI on Friday. Traci writes, "When I saw that these socks were called 'The Goddess of Good Fortune' I said, 'Oh yeah, those are what we all need!'"

They could not have arrived at a better time and I love them both. Traci, thank you again!

Be sure to hit up Kym's blog to check out all of the other SITM posts! Thanks again Kym for making this happen!

Dramatic Turn

2010-03-03T15:26:00.006-05:00

Oh Internetz, get ready for one doozy of "As The Follicles Grow!"

Time for another wanding this morning and the usual ultrasound tech was on her day off so I had the other one. For the first time. No problems, that is, until she got going! My poor ovaries didn't know what hit them! Roughest ultrasound tech ever. EVAH. As I tweeted earlier, "I'm not sure, but I think I may be the tech's bitch now." More inappropriate infertility humour!

Anywho.

After blood work with Nurse Awesome I was put on hold to wait on the call to find out whether I'd need one last dose of Follistim tonight or whether it was time to trigger. Well the call just came in about half an hour ago saying that my estrogen levels have shot up and tonight is trigger time! My dIUI is scheduled for Friday morning.

Yay right? Oh yes, I was blissful, Internetz! Three beautifully mature follicles ready to trigger. Upcoming IUI. What could possibly go wrong?

That's when I spoke to Nurse Awesome. My RE, my lovely RE, is not available friday so the other doctor will do it. The same doctor that has pretty much from the get go made me feel somewhat inadequate due to poor/slow response (they can suck on that this time!) among other things. So negative feelings abound. But it's not just that. My last dIUI was with her and it was awful. She couldn't get through my cervix at the last one and essentially blamed me for it.

So now I'm sitting at work, fighting back tears, devastated that all of the wonderful things that have happened thus far this cycle may be lost to one crappy IUI.

I know, I know. I should remain positive. Wait and see what happens. I know that partly I am a creature of habit and I'm disappointed because the RE and I have a good IUI game plan that works well. Even sharing this game plan with the other doctor has not translated into a positive experience. All that and with Irish Boy's work schedule, he won't even be able to be with me on Friday morning.

You can bet that I'll be sporting one pair of my SITM socks (post on that coming later) because I think I need them more than ever now.

Hang on to your hats, Internetz, I may need to live tweet this thing on Friday morning in the hopes that some of you can get me through.

As The Follicles Grow

2010-03-02T21:45:00.005-05:00

Last time on "As The Follicles Grow" (insert dramatic soap opera-y music here):

A vicious snow storm made a date for a wanding almost impossible but Fertility Chick persevered and made it alive. Down in Ovary Town Lefty was hopping with three maturing follicles. At last she was dominating Ladyville. Always second fiddle to her more productive sister, Righty, it was Lefty's time to shine.

Until... Righty started catching up. One mature follicle had appeared. Would Lefty be left in the dust again? Could Righty catch up? Find out now on tonight's edition of: "As The Follicles Grow."

But first, a word from tonight's sponsor, the Limerick Chick contest. Voting has begun! Click on the link on my side bar to check out all of the great limericks and start voting! I believe that mine will be in the second flight and votes for that start on Friday. Come on out and vote for the fun of it!

And now, back to "As The Follicles Grow."

Bright and early Monday morning was another wanding event down in Ladyville. My ovaries must be in overdrive because Lefty's three follicles were growing nicely (16, 14 and 14 I think) and Righty now had two (11 and 12). It's been another couple of nights of Follistim and I go back tomorrow morning to see when it's trigger time. I'm anticipating that by the end of the week it will be dIUI time with three follies in the running.

As I tweeted last night, "My ovaries feel heavy. Either that or my balls just dropped." Totally inappropriate infertility humour!

I don't know if it's my nightly use of Circle+Bloom, the combination of the Femara and Follistim, or Sheriff Provera's clean out of Ladyville, or all of the above but I have never responded so well to the meds! Am I crazy to be so hopeful that this might actually work?

Stay tuned tomorrow for our next installment of "As the Follicles Grow!" AND - for my "Sock It To Me" post - my socks arrived today and I'm so excited to show them to you!

Limerick Chick Contest 2010

2010-03-01T20:23:00.007-05:00

Enter by March 1.

Vote after March 2.

On WeebleWobblog.com

Well you all know that I'm one for a good limerick and take great pleasure in writing the odd infertility (IF) limerick or two. Well over at Weebles Wobblog, she has a fun contest for those limerick lovers out there!

The task? Create up to two limericks - both which include the name or title of a fellow blogger and a link to their blog. The vote button above is what you can click on (if you so desire!) to vote for my entries or one of the other entries! But no matter what, go and check out what my super talented competition have come up with! How fun is this?

Here's my best shots - I have to confess, it was tricky working in fellow bloggers!

All the symptoms were driving me batty,
Thank goodness for sweet blogger, Maddy.
It was my thyroid you see,
All this and infertility!
No wonder I’ve been really bratty!

***
Of needles, I am not that fond,
And have you seen the ultrasound wand?!But I found The Overnite Note,
Her sass keeps me afloat!
Perhaps soon we both will have spawned?

Too much fun!

And if that's not enough, stop by Beckie's blog before March 4 to enter for your chance to win a blog re-design! It's her birthday, but she's giving away the gifts! That's just the kind of girl she is. Don't miss out!

Follicle Follies

2010-02-27T21:41:00.004-05:00

I just can't believe it.

Today did not start off as a good day. I had to be up at the crack of dawn for a wanding and some blood work for Day 11. To be up that early on a precious day off isn't exactly my favourite thing, but we all do what we gotta do, right?

As I set off to the fertility clinic I was greeted with a true Canadian snow storm. Driving was just awful. Even the main roads had yet to be plowed and so I set off, white knuckled, praying that I didn't spin out, get stuck, or end up being horribly late.

Success! I made it to the ultrasound clinic in one piece and all looked good. Of course that was until I had to wait for an hour. Yes, an HOUR. Their computer system was down and things were chaotic to say the least and somehow they managed to mix up my appointment time with someone else's. Once we got that all sorted, I got wanded and it was off for blood work.

Are you sensing a pattern here?

My beloved Nurse Awesome wasn't in the clinic today so I had one of the other nurses do my blood. She couldn't find the vein in my arm. Lovely. This was after being stabbed a couple of times. Ouch. She then opted for my hand which was not pleasant, but at least it got the job done!

All this and no coffee yet! The roads were still so horrible when I was finished with all my fertility fun that plans to stop for a coffee and a bite to eat were dismissed for another white knuckle drive home.

My goodness, what a day! But even with all that dramz, Internetz, I'm feeling hopeful. My lazy left ovary now is sporting three (yes three!) maturing follicles and the right now has one!

I go back Monday for yet another wanding and I'm anticipating that by mid-week we may be good to go with the dIUI.

All this said, I'm beginning to wonder if these really are my ovaries?! I'm not used to multiple follicles here! Yay!

Friday Fun!

2010-02-26T21:38:00.008-05:00

Happy Friday, Internetz! As I get ever closer to my next fun filled fertility med injection (say that 10 times fast!), I'm distracting myself by participating in Follow Friday for the first time! Welcome to those who might be stopping by for the first time, make yourself at home, and hope that you'll consider becoming a regular follower.

Want to participate as well? Please do, because the more the merrier, right?! See below for all of the details. Enjoy your weekend everyone!

Cyril Has Left the Building

2010-02-25T23:24:00.004-05:00

Well I suppose I would be more correct in saying, Cyril has vacated my left ovary!

That's right, Internetz, just as I was gaining a wee bit of affection for the bugger, Cyril the Cyst went and left me! There's no sign of it any more. But that Cyril was a giver and in its place were two lovely maturing follicles on my left ovary! Are you sure it's not Christmas because my lazy left ovary never seems to give me follicles and now look, two! My right ovary (usually the busy one) is quiet at the moment but there are a number of smaller follicles a-brewing there too.

This was one wanding that, dare I say it, I enjoyed because this is the first CD-9 that I have responded so well so quickly! I guess I need to give it up to those (awful) IM shots for helping that follistim along but I also like to think that the femara has helped things along too.

My fingers are crossed that things continue to chug along and that in a matter of days I have two mature follicles to trigger!

That's the latest cycle update from here. Short and sweet but to bed I must go - these early morning wandings are killing me!

Ouch

2010-02-24T22:49:00.004-05:00

Internetz, I have survived three nights of intramuscular injections (IM)! If I may brag for a moment, I have to say, I was owning those needles. Well, that is, until tonight.

I'm not sure what Irish Boy did differently tonight, but that injection hurt like nobody's business. In fact, I would be remiss if I didn't say that it hurt like hell.

Tomorrow morning I start my day early with a wanding followed by blood work. Although I know it's still early days yet, let me just say that I hope that this torture produces some promising looking follicles and that Cyril the Cyst is behaving and hasn't been gorging on the Follistim and getting even bigger.

Tonight has not been an easy injection night and I fear that the memory of tonight's pain will regress me back to sheer panic when we have to do the one tomorrow night.

Someone please tell me all of this is worth it.

Post-Injection Meltdown

2010-02-23T12:15:00.005-05:00

Happy February ICLW, Internetz! If you're just popping by for the first time, glad to have you here and hope you'll consider sticking around as a blog follower! I have PCOS, my husband has azoospermia (no sperm) and together we're attempting to spawn life with the help of donor sperm and IUI's. You've caught me right at the start of dIUI #3 which was almost cancelled before it even began thanks to Cyril the giant cyst (yes, I named it), who has taken up residence in my left ovary. Fortunately Cyril is a happy, non-estrogen producing cyst so I'm still in the game and doing a protocol of Femara and Follistim.

My first Follistim injection was last night. Now I've done injections before but having been on a break since the summer, I felt like an injectibles virgin all over again! My RE has me doing intramuscular (IM) injections for the Follistim. Why?

Because she's a SADIST, that's why!

No. Since I tend to be a slow/poor responder, she prefers me to do all IM injections all the time. This means no short needle tummy injections for this girl. We're talking the big guns in my big butt! (Well okay, upper hip). You know that really long, scary needle that some of you may have had to use to mix meds (often seen when you have to do your own trigger shot)? That's the s.o.b. that I get to inject with each night. FUN.

This is particularly traumatic for me because of my (ridiculous) needle phobia. I know some of you are thinking: "Fertility Chick, wha? You post about acupuncture and blood work and more! How can YOU be such a needle wimp?"

Internetz, it's true. I am a needle wimp. Still. Oh I've gotten better. Much, much better. Back in the day, you couldn't even get me in to do blood work. I'd shake, I'd sweat, I'd cry - it was quite the dramatic ordeal! Since this whole fertility stuff came in to play, I've managed somehow to psych myself up and handle all the needles that have come my way with a certain amount of grace. But these big needles, oh they get me every time.

They are just. So. LONG. Go back up and look at the picture. See the difference? That long sucker is what I get to have every night. Again, this about sums it up.

Last night, we managed to get the injection done in a record first needle time of 12 minutes. That included the prep time to get everything ready as well as being reunited with my Injection BFF the ice pack for a good five minutes. This is a new record for me, Internetz. The last time we were doing IM injections at home it took me almost an hour to get the first one.

Yes, I'm that bad. Pity poor Irish Boy now.

When I see that long, scary needle, all of my needle issues well up and overflow. There are tears. There is bargaining. There is lament. There are cries of "not wanting to do this!" and wails of "why can't we make a baby the fun way like everyone else!" Then more tears until I finally get myself so worked up and pissed off that through gritted teeth I tell Irish Boy to "do it" while I sing at the top of my lungs.

I'd YouTube this for you but honestly, I'm such a wimp you'd probably all abandon my blog in disgust!

Round two is tonight with an undetermined amount of rounds to go. I am hoping and praying that with the addition of Femara (my first time using it) I will respond better and my injection days are limited!

So there you have it, Internetz. The good, the bad, and the mostly ugly of me getting injections. I am ridiculous. I KNOW. But don't you feel sorry for me just a little?

Happy ICLW everyone! I hope to get some comments going on all of your blogs later today!

Red Light, Green Light

2010-02-20T20:11:00.005-05:00

Did you ever play that game, "Red Light, Green Light" as a kid? Or is this just some random game that my crew of friends created back in the day?

Well yesterday was definitely a red light kind of day. And not THAT kind of red light. AHEM. Let's keep it classy, Internetz.

The attack of the giant cyst on my left ovary left the possibility of this cycle in a pretty precarious situation. It was up to my hormones to save the day and let me still go ahead this month.

But today? Today is a green light day.

Let's give it up for this cyst, Internetz, because fortunately it is NOT an estrogen-producing cyst! This means that I am good to go! Femara was started last night.

I went back to the clinic this morning to pick up the Follistim (aka Puregon for my fellow Canuck friends). $700 later and a paper bag filled with enough needles, syringes, and meds to make me choke, I have until Monday to prepare myself for my first injection in months.

So I am indeed back in the game. Tune in Monday for my pre-injection meltdown!

Attack of the Giant Cyst

2010-02-19T09:40:00.004-05:00

Oh Internetz. Woe is me! (Added for some dramatic flair because you know that I like the dramz.)

I was up bright and early for my first wanding in months and even with the early rising I was full of piss and vinegar to take on the day! Day 3 date with the ultrasound wand? I can take it! And I did. Next up, blood work at the fertility clinic with Nurse Awesome. Then, a refresher course on injections and an overview of the protocol for this month.

Yeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaah! Let's DO this! (In my head, that totally sounded like Joe from "Family Guy.")

But in a classic tale of "don't count your chickens before they hatch," the wind in my sails were gently deflated by Nurse Awesome.

Nurse Awesome: "Oh no, you have a cyst. And a pretty big one. Crap."

Me: "Whatchu talkin' 'bout Nurse Awesome!?"

Nurse Awesome: "It's big, but the good thing is that it's clear. Let's see what your blood work tells us about your hormones and then we'll have to make decisions from there."

Me: "Okay." SAD FACE.

So now I wait. If my hormone levels come through for me, we may still be on. But if not, I will be benched until next month.

Not much more to say. In fact, this about sums it all up.

It Begins Again

2010-02-17T17:46:00.008-05:00

Internetz, let me welcome you to Cycle Day 1.

There's a new sheriff down in Ladyville and that sheriff's name is Provera. It's clearing out everything and I do mean everything to make way for that what is to come.

If I may digress for but a moment to say the following:

WORST. CRAMPS. EVER.

WORST. RAGING. HEADACHE. EVER.

WISHING. I. COULD. BE. HORIZONTAL. ALL. DAY.

WHERE. IS. THE. ADVIL. AND. THE. HEATING. PAD?!

Ladyville is taking one hell of a beating and Sheriff Provera is taking no prisoners. To all of the ladies out there who deal with hella bad periods on a regular basis, I salute you, because holy hell, this is brutal. My heart goes out to you because I probably am not even experiencing close to what some of you go through.

The fertility clinic has been called. My husband has almost come out of hiding (Provera's sidekick Stabby still lingers.) And I have a date for a good old fashioned wanding (that is a probing by good ol' Wandy, the ultrasound wand) on Friday morning.

I'm guessing that the Femara and Follistim will be ordered up, and that means, dear friends, that I am back in the game.

Here we go...!

Provera and the Seven Side Effects

2010-02-15T23:43:00.006-05:00

Happy Monday, Internetz! I hope that you all had a good weekend including any Valentine's celebrations that you may have enjoyed. I'm still sitting here, twiddling my thumbs, as we continue with the saga that is: Period Watch - the Clusterf$%!& Edition. But thanks to Provera, it's anything but boring around here! I seem to be moving through a variety of symptoms and side effects to keep me constantly guessing.

If I may present a twist to the classic "Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs," may I present to you Provera and the Seven Side Effects!

1. Sleepy - Thank goodness that some of you also agreed that Provera made you exhausted in your comments from my previous post. I have been so tired it has been somewhat ridiculous.

2. Dopey - Somewhat akin to being sleepy, I feel like I'm sleepwalking through my days at times and I just don't feel like I'm giving my "A Game". The fact that this week is going to be absolutely crazy at work does not bode well for me!

3. Bloaty - Someone stick a pin in me, please! I'd go for acupuncture, but I might pop like a balloon the minute a needle goes in.

4. Anxious - Is anyone going to comment on this? Why isn't anyone commenting already? Maybe everyone hates me. That's it. You hate me now. What did I do? I'm sorry, I didn't mean it. Yeah, anxiety bites.

5. Grumpy - Need I say more? My husband is building forts out of boxes to stay out of my way and I'm designing a series of fuss closets. That said, the fuss closet may be the only good thing out of this!

6. Weepy - I could cry at the drop of a hat. Do you need an Oscar award-winning emotional moment? Call me. I'm your girl. Also? Pass the Kleenex, please.

7.Stabby - When Grumpy ain't cutting it, meet her twin, Stabby. You won't cross her path twice.

So there you have it, Internetz. I'm still awaiting Blood Red (Take that, Snow White! Thanks Marla Z!) Let's hope that in spite of it all, this results in a happily ever after!

Patent Pending: The Fuss Closet

2010-02-11T19:49:00.005-05:00

That's it, Internetz! The fuss closet is proving to be so popular, I'm totally trademarking it! You heard it here first. Anyone else trying to sell you a fuss closet is merely an imitator! You want the real deal? I'm your girl!

For those dealing with fertility treatments, it might just be your saving grace. But hey, the fuss closet is useful for anyone having a "horrible, no good, very bad day." Bad day at work? Fuss closet. Kids driving you nuts? Fuss closet. Fight with your beloved? Shove the body in the fuss closet. Erm, I mean, fuss closet! Thanks to your fabulous comments in my previous post, the fuss closet can come with extras such as a candy dispenser, a fuck it bucket, or be big enough to have a fuss party in there!

As I continue to fight my own personal battle with Provera side effects, I was *thisclose* to throwing everything out of my husband's side of the closet and create a fuss closet of my very own. I'm not kidding. Hell hath no fury than an Provera-enraged woman on a DIY path! Poor Irish Boy didn't even fight me when I threatened it. Ahhh, Provera, bringing fear to husbands since the 1960s.

In other Provera news, I am absolutely, utterly exhausted. I don't know if any of you have experienced this with Provera before? Please let me know. I'm usually a night owl, but I can barely stay awake past 10:30 p.m. - which is unheard of for me! If you can relate to this, let me know.

Beyond the exhaustion and occasional (read: often) moodiness, life is good but hectic as I embark on another ridiculously busy week at work. Don't you love how work chaos always seems to collide with Provera madness?

What's new with you? I feel like I'm totally sucking out on commenting lately and I want to know where you're at!

Fuss Closet

2010-02-09T17:50:00.005-05:00

Remember how I was all sad yesterday? I want to thank all those who left sweet comments. It really helped. It really, really did.

I'll classify that as my Provera Stage 1: Sadness.

Today, I think I'm definitely entering Provera Stage 2: Fussy and Irritated. By Friday I may be at the final stage, also known as bat shit crazy!

Today I need a Fuss Closet. Like really and truly need one. Bad.

What is a fuss closet you ask? Picture a decent sized closet with enough padding on the walls and floor that should you need to go in there and hurl yourself around while screaming and fussing, it would suffice. Imagine putting on some sweats, tying your hair back and just hurling yourself around raging until all of the Provera pissy-ness and stress of the day wears off. You would emerge from said closet a new woman! A sweaty woman, yes. A potentially crazy woman, but hey, who you calling crazy?!

Every home should really have one. A fuss closet that is, not a crazy woman. The fuss closet should definitely be a staple in the home of one using fertility drugs. Seriously, what was I thinking? I should have told the builder to install padding in our bedroom closet.

Should a Fuss Closet not be your thing, may I also recommend sticking your head into the dryer and screaming your bloody head off. This will make you feel better (and possibly light headed). Trust me on this. I speak from experience.

Please join with me in a good ol' fashioned Provera fist-shaking. Damn drug. Now if you'll excuse me, I think I have to go and bite my husband's head off.

Provera Crazies

2010-02-08T22:25:00.005-05:00

Well Internetz, I may officially be entering the Provera crazies. I finished my final pill on Sunday and I have to say, until today, I was feeling FANTASTIC! Now that could be because I had been away for work in a very cool Canadian city having a rather amazing time. Perhaps that helped to ward off the crazies, I don't know.

But now, I'm just sad. Not irritated. Not Incredible Hulk angry. Just rather sad. It's the kind of day where I feel like the lone kid at the playground who seems to have been left behind. The one that no one wants to play with. Random, yes, but so are the moods of Provera I suppose.

While I could honestly burst into tears with one wayward glance, I'm hoping that this too shall pass, and quickly. It's another busy week at work and somehow dissolving into a puddle of tears probably won't help me.

But you know what lifted my mood? A cool giveaway from Beckie over at Beckie's Infertility Journey! She's giving away fertility package containing an OV-Watch starter kit, Pre-seed Multi Use Tube, and pregnancy tests! How cool is that? Be sure to go here to visit this awesome fellow Canadian and enter for your chance to win!

For all you in the midst of your own Provera (or other fertility drug) hell, know that I'm thinking about you! We will get through.

To Maddy, With Love

2010-02-04T22:52:00.005-05:00

To read part one of this post (so that this actually makes some sense!) - click here. Don't worry, if you haven't read it, just click here. I'll wait, I promise.

Read it? Okay! Let's carry on with Period Watch: The Clusterf!#$% Edition.

I dedicate this part of the post to a wonderful blogger, Maddy, from Late for a Very Important Pregnancy. (Hence the title.) If you haven't visited Maddy's blog before, please do. She is kind and thoughtful and has probably provided me with more information and food for thought than I can ever give her credit for. So Maddy, this one's for you!

It was this post of hers that got me thinking about my thyroid. She introduced me to a book called The Thyroid Solution. Now at first, I appreciated the post, but I really didn't think that it had much to do with me. Until she happened to mention that there were some connections with the thyroid and PCOS in the book. That peaked my interest since I'm always looking out for more information on PCOS. So I went to my nearest Chapters and picked up a copy for myself. (Note: if you order the book online you will receive the most recent and up to date edition - I was too impatient but wanted you to know just in case this appeals.)

As I read through the book I was floored. So many of the links with hypothyroidism seemed to pertain to me.

Now I know what you're possibly thinking. "Easy there, hypochondriac. Don't got self-diagnosing, it's way too easy to label yourself with everything out there!"

I know. But since I was seeing the PCOS Specialist anyways (who is an Endocrinologist by the way), I raised the issue of testing my thyroid stimulating hormone (TSH). It's as easy as a quick blood test. Upon looking at the records sent from my family doctor and the fertility clinic she noted that my TSH was in the normal range but still on the high end. So we tested it again last Monday.

I called her office the next morning to get my results.

Now I don't want to brag or anything, Internetz, but someone award me a medical degree! (Okay, not really). Sure enough my TSH level was slightly elevated but enough so for her to prescribe me with a low dose thyroid medication.

Are you still with me? I know I'm rattling on, but please hang in there, it could be worth it.

This is where things get interesting. She said that she was very glad that I pursued this with her. Not only for my general well being but for fertility reasons as well.

You see with my thyroid out of whack, there could be an even greater risk for miscarriage were I to get pregnant. And if I do manage to get myself knocked up, I am to see her immediately because she will want to monitor me closely.

Internetz, this is HUGE. For fertility and much more.

Fertility reasons aside, I must confess to you that for a long time (in spite of all of my vitamins and occasional healthy living inspired by my Naturopathic Doctor) I have felt so bloody tired and crappy. I was honestly beginning to think I was going a little crazy because the exhaustion was ridiculous. I have hope now that it all relates back to my wacky thyroid and with the help of this medication and monitoring it, I'll start to feel like my old self again.

I am so grateful that Maddy shared this book find with me and other fellow bloggers. I wanted to do the same in case there's someone out there who is reading this thinking, "Hmmm, this might be worth looking into a bit more." Or perhaps you have a pre-existing thyroid issue. I would totally recommend this book if you do. It has extensive information on both hypothyroidism and hyperthyroidism.

Let me be clear. This isn't a review. I'm not getting anything for telling you all this. But hell, if this helps someone else, I'd so be willing to buy a copy of the book out of my own pocket for someone else. That's how much I appreciated reading it.

So there you go Internetz! Being a Libra, I'm all about balance. Here's hoping that these latest developments will help balance my body so that a pregnancy becomes a possibility!

Have Provera, Will Be Stabby

2010-02-04T16:13:00.005-05:00

So I was going to title this, "Have Provera, Will Bleed" - but we all know that's going to happen and I thought it might gross you all out!

Time to update you all on Period Watch: The Clusterf&!$# Edition. You'll recall that I had to drag myself to the fertility clinic to see my RE in person to get the Provera. Even though I had already been prescribed it once before. By her. Yeah.

Remember how I vented away about how annoyed I was? That she probably didn't remember me?

Oh Internetz, it pains me to say this, but I was wrong. So very wrong.

The fertility clinic RE remembered me alright. In fact, she practically apologized for dragging me into the clinic but since I had been on a break from treatments for a while she wanted to catch up with me and discuss the medication protocol for my upcoming dIUI so I knew exactly what I was getting into.

Say it with me, WTF. No, no, sorry, I meant, "Awwwwwwwww..."

Yes, she is that sweet. She went on about how proud she was of my efforts to think about health and lifestyle while I was on a break. She encouraged me to keep that up as we embarked upon treatments again. She said that she felt really confident about moving ahead.

And secretly I felt like such an ass for being so bitchy the other day on here. I hope the universe will forgive me.

I got my Provera and a plan for our upcoming dIUI (femara plus injectibles - fun!) and now we wait for good ol' CD-1 to get the ball rolling. I started the Provera last night so within a week or so I'll be back into the land of injections, blood work and regular dates with Wandy the ultrasound attachment.

I don't know how the rest of your fare on Provera, but I swear even after one pill I'm getting headaches and feeling stabby. As some of you may recall, I am away this weekend at a work retreat, so you can just imagine how stabby I will be by Sunday. Watch your 11:00 news this weekend. Who knows, you might see some deranged infertile - that will probably be me!

But Internetz, there is EVEN MORE to tell. I heard back from the PCOS Specialist regarding some of my blood work and have had a very interesting revelation. That however, is a whole post in itself.

I will try and tell that tale before I leave for the weekend (not like any of you are that desperate to know) because I hope that this information might be able to help some of you.

Stay tuned...

Yes, We're Related

2010-02-02T15:13:00.005-05:00

First I have to wish my darling husband, Irish Boy, a very Happy Birthday! If you're so inclined, why not pop by his blog and wish him a happy one!

I have to share this conversation with my mother. She is a lovely woman, bright as all get out, but sometimes, she's such a scatterbrained goof it's not even funny. Listen in:

Mom: So how are things going with all of the fertility treatments?

Me: Oh fine. We're hoping to do another IUI this month. Hopefully I'll respond better to the medications this time.

Mom: Well I guess having only one ovary doesn't help.

Me: (Pause) I'm sorry, I don't think I heard you right?

Mom: You know, having only one ovary must make it harder for you.

Me: Mom, I don't only have one ovary - where did you get that idea?

Mom: Didn't you tell me that?

Me: (Laughing) No! Mom, I never told you that.

Mom: I could have sworn that you said that you were born with only one ovary.

Me: No, Mom. I only had one FOLLICLE for each of my IUIs, but I definitely have both ovaries. They were definitely both there at the last ultrasound.

Mom: Oh! Well I guess that's better for you then.

Me: Yes, Mom. Definitely better.

And you all wondered where I got "IT" from?

Test Results + Giveaway Results

2010-02-01T16:57:00.006-05:00

The results of today's test results can really only be best expressed via one of my wacky IF limericks. So here goes:

To the Specialist in the city,
To find out what's going on with me.
The news was the best.
I passed the glucose test!
No diabetes for me!
Yes, dear Internetz, yours truly was given the good news that I not only survived, but also passed, the glucose test which means I am not Type II Diabetic. Yay! It was an interesting appointment and there is much more to tell including the latest dramz in Period Watch: The Clusterf!*$ Edition - but I'm going to leave you wanting more by saving that for another post.

I also need to send a very big THANK YOU to Krissi from Stress Free Infertility who very kindly has me listed as her featured blogger on Blog Love Monday! Please take some time to stop by her site and you can check out what she has to say here. Better yet, leave her a comment on the post so she knows that you stopped by! Thank you so much, Krissi, I love your blog too!

And last, but not least, it's time to announce the big winner of the Conair Ultra Slim Hair Straightener giveaway! Thanks to my good friend the Random Number Generator which generated the number 8 (does anyone know how to put the image of the results from Random.org into your blog post? If you do, please let me know.) This means that the winner is...

Sarah from Babies everywhere...but none that call me Mama! Congratulations Sarah - just send me an email when you can so I can arrange to send the straightener to you! Thanks for playing everyone!

Period Watch: The Clusterf#&! Edition

2010-01-30T22:13:00.007-05:00

Don't forget! Tomorrow (Jan. 31) will be the last chance to take part in my Conair Ultra Slim Hair Straightener giveaway! Click here to be a part of the fun!

Back to the original intent of this post.

File this under...it could only happen to me.

As we turn once again to the saga that is getting me a period I went to the fertility clinic on Friday morning for my blood work. I hadn't set foot in the place since July so it was kind of odd and yet familiar to fall back into that routine. There's a new receptionist in the place, she seemed nice. I was also super lucky that Nurse Awesome was on duty for blood work so my poor veins were spared major trauma. Nurse Awesome said she'd touch base a little later to confirm that we were "good to go" with the Provera and would call in the prescription to my pharmacy.

As Irish Boy would say, "Easy, peasy, lemon squeezy!"

Or so I thought.

3:00 in the afternoon rolled around and I still hadn't heard from Nurse Awesome. This was odd as she's usually very on the ball. So I called her. It turns out that the RE (my RE, the one who I'm now supposedly exclusively dealing with) was holding things up by not signing off on the Provera unless I came in to see her.

This is where we insert a WTF?

Nurse Awesome was as confused as I was. My blood work was fine. There was no reason not to give me the Provera. And it's not like I haven't taken it before. Normally the two former ensure the doctor signing off on the prescription. To add insult to injury, not only had I taken it before, but the one time I was prescribed it was by THAT RE! Nurse Awesome promised to continue to keep trying but in the worst case scenario, I might have to return to the clinic early next week to see the RE and then (hopefully?) get the damn Provera.

Say it one more time with me: WTF?!

When I didn't hear back from Nurse Awesome after that, I considered myself screwed. And not in a good way.

So we'll see what Monday morning brings. Likely a call from the damn clinic hopefully setting up an appointment with the RE (whom I was in love with before). I swear the woman doesn't remember who the hell I am or something. It would be just my luck.

Yippee. But, this may mean that Monday's blog post is full o' news because I also follow up with the PCOS specialist that morning.

Stay tuned, Internetz. Period Watch: The ClusterF$#! Edition is on.

Decision Time

2010-01-28T22:22:00.005-05:00

Before I get to the latest - don't forget - only a few more days now to get good hair from my giveaway! It's as easy as being a blog follower (and if I'm not already following you, let me know that too in your comment and I'll get right on it. I'm all about the blog to blog following love.) Just click here to take part!

Internetz, how all kinds of awesome are you? Seriously wicked ideas posted about my dilemma of possibly having to travel with injections and nosy co-workers. You are all so creative! But I do appreciate all of the comments. I really do!

That said...

It's funny how the universe sometimes makes decisions for you. Remember how I was oh so certain that my body was sticking it to PCOS this month and I was starting my period all by my big self?

Yeah, well, not so much. The spotting continued yesterday and while I was certain that by today we would be rolling out the red carpet down in Ladyville as it were, it, uh, stopped. Yeah, stopped. Excuse me while I say, "oh for the fuck of shit!" Damn PCOS.

I called the fertility clinic and talked to my beloved Nurse Awesome. While I'm pretty sure this is my body's attempt at a period, Nurse Awesome assured me that unfortunately this really wasn't going to cut it. Especially since last month was only spotting as well.

So now I'm onto Plan B. I go into the clinic for blood work tomorrow morning. Deep breath. For the first time since the summer, I'll be walking in there. It's rather surreal. Would you believe I actually have to have a beta? For the love of all things holy unless I've been knocked up immaculately I'm pretty certain we're good to go. It looks like I'm going to have to go the route of Provera to get things rolling down in Ladyville.

I don't know why, but I always feel like a failure for having to use Provera. Please know that this is totally my ridiculous issue. One of many, dear Internetz, one of many. Could someone please tell me that Provera could in fact be the trusty sidekick I need to clean out Ladyville and prepare the way for a bay-bey? Even if you're lying, I'd believe you and I need to hear it.

Issues aside, Provera it is, blood work all being well. While it's not the route I had initially been planning on, it does mean that I will be spared the whole injection fiasco while I'm away next weekend. Though I am kind of sad that I can't at least use some of your fine excuses after all that. I was so ready to be a vitamin B-deficient, diabetic, IV druggie! Damn.

Though I'm sure my Provera-induced rage may be enough to make my co-workers wish I was injecting something!

A Matter of Timing

2010-01-27T22:48:00.008-05:00

There's still time to win your very own Conair Ultra Slim Straightener courtesy of me! Just click here to join in the fun! All the details are there - don't miss out!

My period is here! Well, kind of. PCOS girls, many of know you what I'm talking about. Any sign of a period is often time for celebration since it tends to go AWOL for months at a time. Since I'm currently not doing treatments, the return of my period is a good thing.

That said, my period is messing with me. I'm on day 2 of light spotting and I'm holding out with all hope that it will result in a full period soon. Just when I think we're good to go, the damn thing lets up again and I'm left wondering just what exactly my body is doing. Will I get to CD-1 without my trusty sidekick Provera? Only time will tell!

Sadly though, even if my period does decide to show in the next day or so, I'm in a bit of a conundrum. It honestly couldn't arrive at the worst possible time. I'm all set to go back to treatments...wait for it... BUT...

But if timing works out the way it does, I may be on hold for another month.

Here's the deal. I have to go away for work next weekend. There is no way around this. Without going into too much detail, this is a retreat style event, meaning that I would have a hell of a time trying to do injections without anyone knowing. I'm not really sure at this point if that's even possible. Then there's trying to figure out how to store the injectibles in a communal fridge without the world having a sneaky peek.

What would you do? Would you risk it? Or would you just wait one more month knowing that timing will most definitely be better then?

Reunited

2010-01-25T14:11:00.008-05:00

Oh Internetz, raise your cell phones in the air and sing it with me, "Reunited and it feeeels so gooood!"

Or not.

It has been a good week or so since I've reunited with my BFF Metformin and how happy am I? I know some of my fellow PCOS girls out there have a hell of a time on it and for that I'm sorry, but for me, it just works. I'm back on my 1500 mg daily until I see the PCOS Specialist who may (or may not) tell me otherwise. That said, my period is still M.I.A. so my return to fertility treatments remains stalled until it shows up. I may have to cave and give into help from my trusty sidekick, Provera, but I'm giving it a bit longer in the hopes that nature takes its course.

You know what else makes me feel good? Good hair. Yes, nothing beats a good hair day in my books. So for a bit of fun and to celebrate my feeling good with Metformin, I propose another fun giveaway just for the hell of it. Yours truly has purchased a lovely Conair 3/4" Ultra Slim Straightener that could be yours! Ir's great for many hair types, including shorter hair styles!
Here's a picture:

How can this be yours? Easy!

Follow my blog - just click on the Followers link on the left hand side and leave me a comment to let me know that you're now following.
Already a follower? Don't feel left out! Just leave me a comment to let me know you're already following.

Want to earn a couple more chances to win?

Follow me on Twitter: @fertilitychick and leave me another comment to let me know that you are.
Tweet the following and leave a comment on here to say that you did: @fertilitychick gives good hair! Win a Conair Ultra Slim Straightener: http://bit.ly/78zsU4 Please RT!

A winner will be randomly drawn on January 31, 2010. Here's to some good hair days ahead!

January ICLW

2010-01-23T13:07:00.004-05:00

Happy January ICLW, Internetz! If you're stopping by for the first time, welcome. Hope that you'll consider sticking around.

I'm afraid that I'm not a pretty picture at the moment and this ICLW post is late because of it. I have got the Worst. Cold. Ever. I'm not even kidding. Hacking, sneezing, sniffling. That's me. Would you leave if I told you I had a piece of Kleenex hanging from one nostril just to stop it from running for a while? Would you? Then just put that vision out of your head.

Moving right along.

Little back history on my fertility woes: I have PCOS, my husband has azoospermia (no sperm). We made the decision to go the route of donor sperm and are currently attempting IUIs with injectibles. I have taken a wee break to get some finances in order (this infertility stuff ain't cheap!)and work on some health priorities. In that time I began exploring acupuncture (love) and TCM - Traditional Chinese Medicine (also love). I'm currently waiting on my ever elusive period and then we'll get the show back on the road! My thoughts on returning to the world of daily injections? Well, this about sums it up!

But I'm glad you're here and I'm happy to be participating in ICLW again! Thanks again for stopping by - don't be a stranger!

Sprucing Up The Joint

2010-01-20T23:18:00.004-05:00

Your eyes do not deceive you, Internetz! I have had a blog overhaul. Again. You know me, I can't live with one design for too long! This is my first attempt at some real honest to goodness bloggy design done all by my big self. While I won't be winning awards any time soon, it satisfies me for now, so welcome to the new look!

Let me just clear something up though.

The woman in my banner (and blog button)? She looks nothing like me. Nothing. For some reason they don't make clip art that looks like a real woman. Go figure, eh?

Though there are some similarities I guess. See that pink coffee mug in the banner? Well I don't have a pink mug, but you can bet your ass that if I'm on the computer, the coffee isn't too far away. Also? Her hair. Cute isn't it? Mine probably isn't quite that cute, but it's often pulled back in a messy ponytail while I blog at home so we'll call that a similarity too.

That's about it. Her arms? Puh-leeeeze. Just looking at them depresses me. Yours truly could workout on a daily basis and I would still have enough of my "bat wings" leftover to fly myself to visit you. I'm not kidding. Invite me and watch it happen.

But I hope you like because you know me, I aim to please! I'm also trying to update my blog lists and buttons so please let me know if you'd like to be added.

So welcome again to the new digs. I have an update on my return to Metformin but since my laptop battery is starting to give me the evil eye that shall wait until tomorrow!

Before I go, many of you have expressed your enjoyment of my crazy IF limericks! Thank you! I posted some more today over at my blog on Conceive. Do click here to check them out!

Well Shucks!

2010-01-18T18:59:00.005-05:00

A few weeks ago, I received a lovely email from Dawn from fertility Authority telling me that I had been nominated as a favourite blogger. I don't know who the lovely person was that nominated me (I swear, it wasn't me!) but THANK YOU!

If you click here you can check out my thoughts and more. (You can even leave a comment there to let me know you stopped by!) More importantly, you can take advantage of all of the amazing information that fertility Authority offers.

Again, my thanks to my lovely nominator and to Dawn for giving me such a great honour!

IF Limerick Fun

2010-01-16T14:58:00.004-05:00

A little bit of Saturday fun! Have an IF limerick of your own to share? Post it in the comments below and I'll feature it on here with a link to you and your blog!

"No sperm!" the urologist said,

My poor husband almost dropped dead.

It came as a shock,

For my biological clock,

So donor sperm resulted instead!

***

PCOS cycles do not make sense,

Trying to track them makes me feel dense,

My period's late,

Is there an eleven week wait?

No wonder I always feel tense!

***

Awaiting my cycle day 1,

Here we go again, oh what fun,

Ultrasound on day 3,

Oh woe is me,

This month bless my oven with a bun!

***

Have you had a positive OPK?

I find them frustrating, I really must say,

I wait for the line,

Hoping for a positive sign,

But it's back to the drawing board for another day.

New Moon

2010-01-15T18:53:00.008-05:00

No, dear Internetz, this isn't a post about Twilight. But if you'd like to tell me whether you're on "Team Edward," "Team Jacob," or "Team What You Talkin' 'Bout Fertility Chick?!" - feel free!

This is about a TCM remedy that I am taking. Usually you start this on day 1 of your period and then take another on day 7, then 14, then 21. They all coincide with various points of your monthly cycle and help with cycle regulation among other things.

However since things down in Ladyville have gone a tad wonky and my period is not following our regularly scheduled programming my ND instructed to take the Day 1 of this remedy at the start of a new moon. That is today.

Now I know some of you may be shaking your heads thinking that I've lost my mind. Others may be rejoicing at my embracing TCM.

As for me? Well, I'm keeping an open mind. Because hey, I have no clue where the ol' period train is and if this brings her back into town then I'm all for it.

Image: http://mariewin.server304.com/marieblog/uploaded_images/moon-732413.jpg
Photo by: Bruce Yolton, 2006

Voodoo Doll

2010-01-11T16:52:00.007-05:00

Don't get too alarmed. I'm not secretly punishing Irish Boy, my RE, the PCOS specialist, or any such person connected to my world of fertility drama. I'm not even taking out my Facebook frustrations after reading countless pregnancy announcements or seeing more belly shots than a drunk guy on Spring Break.

You should know by now, I'm talking about acupuncture! Yes, my weekly moments of pinned bliss are back. I had been out of routine with the ND for a while, but with the holidays now over, I, the self-proclaimed needle-phobe, has returned to the world of needle jabbing once again.

For those acupuncture virgins out there, don't panic. It's really not that bad. Honestly. If I can handle it, I would imagine kittens and babies could handle it. In fact, it's actually quite nice in a weird, I have a bunch of tiny needles in me, kind of way. Once pinned I can escape to my world of rainbows and unicorns (read: my happy place which doesn't really consist of rainbows or unicorns at all) and escape into a blissful zen-like state.

Compared to some of you out there who are doing acupuncture, my ND seems to really like using the needles. Lots of needles. Lots and lots and lots of needles. Some weeks I've counted close to 60 going in, making me a human voodoo doll. Currently, we're all about getting my cycle back on track. With my period going AWOL last month, likely thanks to being off of the Metformin and missing my regular acupuncture appointments, we're hoping to get things back on track. This means adding in some 'blood points' to the mix.

Don't barf. This isn't an Ebola crash and bleed out kind of deal. They sound worse than they are. Blood points are merely different spots on the body that stimulate the blood. Some of the points are in your hands, some your legs, and so forth. I also had one in my abdomen. The icky part of these points is that my ND will come in and "swirl" the various needles around to help get the ball rolling even more. It doesn't hurt, but it does feel somewhat odd at times. I take this to mean it's working!

Hopefully this also means that I will actually see a period this month. Because once that bitch shows up, we're getting the show back on the road and yours truly will be reunited with Wandy, Folly (follistim), and countless IM needles to, well, basically shove in my ass (okay, upper bum/hip quadrant.)

Come on, blood points!

In related news, I am working my way back up to my daily 1500 mg of Metformin. Thank you for all of the feedback on this in my last post - and to the slew of new faces posting comments, especially all of the SITS girls! Want to know more about SITS? Just click The Secret is in The Sauce button under the Me Likey section of my blog.

Help me will on my period - it's time to get back to treatments!

Image: http://www.scaryforkids.com

Now We Wait

2010-01-07T16:24:00.003-05:00

Let me just say, yet again, that if it wasn't for this blog and the land of Twitter, yours truly would likely be a basket case by now.

Okay, okay. More of a basket case than I already am. Thanks to all of you for your good wishes and to all of the ladies on Twitter that entertained me and listened to my incessant rambling about there not being one hot doctor in the vicinity of the hospital (Seriously, WTF is up with that?!) while waiting the necessary two hours for my glucose intolerance (aka: The "No, I'm NOT pregnant" diabetes) test.

You'll be pleased to note the following:

1. I survived both needles for blood work like a trooper in spite of them having to "dig" to find a vein for the first one.

2. I did not pull a "Chunk" and barf the sugary orange liquid all over the hospital floor causing a chain reaction of barfing in the lab.

3. I was not a complete beast to the lab technicians.

4. I was only asked once if this test was for pregnancy. The irony? I was told I was “lucky” because now I’d only have to have two needles instead of three. Yeah, I’m ever so lucky, eh?

5. Irish Boy survived unscathed – even when he drank a hot chocolate and ate a doughnut in front of me during my two hour wait. (To be fair, the poor guy was up at the crack of dawn to drive me to this appointment in the city, so it’s only fair he got to eat.)

All in all, it wasn’t THAT bad. The sugary drink was no treat but honestly it kind of reminded me of a melted orange Mr. Freezee. Not eating for a good 10+ hours and then having to wait over 2 more before finally eating and drinking again wasn’t too much fun either, but again, not impossible. Dare I say that were I have to ever do it again, I could without any major anxieties.

So now we wait. I won’t know my results for a couple of weeks until I go back to see the PCOS Specialist.

In the meantime, I’m debating putting myself back on my 1500 mg of Metformin. This is the dosage that the fertility clinic prescribed and I know it’s a lower dosage for me so it’s not like I’m over medicating. Also? I feel just crap without my Met, so I figured I’d go back on it until the Specialist tells me otherwise. Am I crazy to do this? I know I’d have the fertility clinic's okay.

Thoughts Internetz? I know I’m not a doctor, but I like to play one on my blog. Besides, I’m pretty sure that in this case, going back on Metformin (at least temporarily) will make me feel a lot better.

Confession Time

2010-01-05T13:31:00.005-05:00

You guys! First thanks to everyone who posted comments about great hand lotions that will help a girl out in this awful cold weather. I have a good list of recommendations thanks to you all and I'm hitting the stores to try them out! Will keep you posted.

So tomorrow is the big diabetes test. Let's all take bets on how many times I will have to assure the lab technicians that this is NOT a gestational diabetes test and that I'm NOT pregnant. Seriously, I will not be one to be messed with tomorrow. I have to stop eating by 10 p.m. this evening and can't have anything until the test is all over and done with.

I also have to get up at the crack of dawn (shortly after 5 a.m. which is ungodly in my world) in order to get ready to travel down to the big city. This and no morning coffee even to make life worth living.

To recap: I will be tired, hungry, uncaffeinated, grouchy, and anxious. Not a combo to mess with. Lab technicians, take heed!

I am pretty nervous, I must confess. I am so not a needle girl and even something as simple as bloodwork raises the ol' blood pressure a bit. It's been a while now since my regular blood letting and injections, so I'm out of practice! My veins seem to live underground so I'm always traumatized when I have to deal with someone new to take blood. To have to do it twice within the span of a few hours is equally disheartening.

Then there's the weird, sugary liquid that I have to drink between blood tests. That kind of freaks me out too. I have a quick gag reflex (sorry fellas) and I hope to Jeebus I don't barf the drink all over the hospital floor. (Related: watch the classic scene below in the movie, "The Goonies" when Chunk confesses his story about barfing in the cinema.)

But all of that seems like nothing compared to what the results could be. I have a major family history of Type II Diabetes. It runs rampant on my mother's side. Since yours truly has always dealt with weight issues and hasn't exactly been the poster child for healthy eating and exercise until more recently I hope I'm not totally screwed. The thought of having to inject myself with insulin 2-3 times daily like my mum makes me just want to pass out. But, one day at a time n' all, I'll wait and see what all this brings before I really start losing my mind.

Fortunately Irish Boy has the day off tomorrow and is able to travel down with me. Send him lots of good vibes as he'll be dealing with the brunt of my "no food" bitchiness. I'm grateful he'll be with me though, he is the calm to my crazy so I know I'll get through.

Will keep you all posted on the events of tomorrow. Keep your fingers crossed for me and pray for any and all lab techs who have to come into my path!

Frickin' Freezin'

2010-01-03T20:06:00.009-05:00

Oh Internetz, up here in the Great White North we are getting one heck of a wintry blast today!

It's currently -15 or -28 with the windchill, which, as my father would say, "would freeze the balls off a brass monkey!" Tis true.

The roads are a mess with snow squalls and blowing snow and I am grateful that both Irish Boy and I made it home from our respective places o' biz safely.

Two of our three dogs are currently giving us the evil eye for making them go out there amid the snow drifts. The third is wagging his tail after a romp in the white stuff that he loves. I can sense that my two 'divas' are going to be a right pain in the ass for the next couple of days when I attempt to get them outside to pee.

But it's nice to be home with the gas fireplace roaring and enjoying the view of winter's splendour from our windows.

Which leads me to a question for you. With this crazy cold weather my hands are so dry and chapped, I'm dying here! So I need your help Internetz. Do you have a particular hand cream that you swear by in the winter months? Or for my friends in warmer climates (henceforth known as "You lucky buggers!"), do you have a brand that works well? I've tried a few different brands from the drugstore but nothing is really providing any satisfactory relief.

So help a freezing Canuck out! Post your favourite hand lotions below.

Thanks - and stay warm!

We Have a Winner!

2010-01-02T13:39:00.004-05:00

Well actually, we have two!

Thanks to all who joined in the fun!

Thanks to RANDOM.ORG's random number generator, I am pleased to announce that the following two lovely ladies will be enjoying some President's Choice Chocolate Covered Gingerbread Bites purchased by yours truly. (Always known as balls in my world!)

Jules from just multiply by two and Kristin from Dragondreamer's Lair are our lucky winners this time!

Ladies, if you could email me at: fertilitychick at gmail dot com with your addresses, I will ship those out to you ASAP!

Thanks again Internetz for having some fun!

Who knows what the coming weeks will bring in terms of giveaway fun! (Yes, that's a big hint...get excited!).